Once child start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I totally agree that when
kids
begin to attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
teachers
have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social well-being. In
following
Add an article
the following
show examples
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I am going to discuss the facts related to my point of view. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
spend
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
, they meet new friends and build up
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with their
teachers
. All the
time
they study and learn new things.
As a result
of that
kids
are prone to make their minds according to those relationships. What I mean by
this
is that the
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
, study patterns, cultural experiences, and most of the social experiences are gained from the
school
.
Kids
think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
teachers
are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role models, they love their appearance and the way of
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
also
. It
is commonly know
Change the verb form
is commonly known
show examples
that small
children
pretend
Add the particle
topretend
show examples
play as their
teachers
.
Therefore
teachers
should help
kids
, how to sort out
quality
Correct article usage
a quality
show examples
life during
school
period of
time
. Recently, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents are exhausted
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
their working life. They do not have enough
time
to pay more attention to their own
children
. Because of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
they encourage their
kids
to learn things from
school
rather than from home. When it comes to
this
point,
teachers
always pay attention and make necessary corrections when the occasion
arise
Change the verb form
arises
show examples
. When
kids
build up
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
with others,
teachers
always observe
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their behaviours. And
also
give
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
and punishments according to the situation. These things will help to develop
better
Add an article
the better
a better
show examples
child. In conclusion, I agree that when
children
start
school
teachers
have much
influence
Correct quantifier usage
more influence
show examples
than parents on their intellectual and social development.
Submitted by nayomiathukorala40 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: