IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Even though government have worked hard to bring about improvements in healthcare system, the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing. What are the potential reasons for this and what are long term affect

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Physical
health
Use synonyms
 is key for all humans to survive in society as well as
health
Use synonyms
 is a fundamental need for all of us. Improving
health
Use synonyms
 care standards is not only the fact government need to upgrade to stabilized physical
health
Use synonyms
 as there are plenty of other key functions
also
Linking Words
 in the line.
This
Linking Words
 may be the reason for physical
health
Use synonyms
-related statistics decreasing in developing
countries
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 ,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developing
Use synonyms
countries'
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 government is keen on political survival and they are changing their strategies in short term due to the political parties’ changes.
This
Linking Words
 is directly impacting the county’s overall development. The sudden changes impact mainly education and economic growth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is the impact on
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's mentality. They are not satisfied with the environment. they may be afraid of their future, and
this
Linking Words
 is directly impacting on overall long-term
country
Use synonyms
 growth, Specifically, whoever possible
people
Use synonyms
 will decide to migrate from developing
countries
Use synonyms
 to search for a better future, and the result is again that economically poor
people
Use synonyms
 may remain in the
country
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 may cause to
further
Linking Words
 decries the physical
health
Use synonyms
 of the
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
Use synonyms
. As an example, the Latest world statistics indicated,
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 happiest
people
Use synonyms
 live in Iceland, Japan, Germany, Australia and Denmark. all
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 world's healthiest
countries
Use synonyms
 prove the idea that you don’t have to be a rich
country
Use synonyms
 to be happy and healthy,
Also
Linking Words
, some of the common denominators between these
countries
Use synonyms
 are that they put their funds into
health
Use synonyms
, education, and other social services which support
people
Use synonyms
. When
people
Use synonyms
 feel mentally and physically secure where they live, they’re more likely to be happy and healthy. In conclusion, developing counties need to give more attention to overall social,
health
Use synonyms
 and educational developments. it is not enough to work hard only on one selected subject to see improving physical
health
Use synonyms
 standards in the
country
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: