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Band 7

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
In today's society, leisure
time
 is essential for
children
 to release stress from their
activities
. Some people argue that parents have an order to set the
activities
,
while
 others believe
children
 have the free will to choose. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides, but I personally agree that
children
 should have the freedom to spend their free
time
. On one hand, most people consider giving responsibility to the parents to choose
activities
 for their
kids
 because they want them to
kids
 have productive and beneficial
activities
.
As a result
, parent has
time
 to check on their
kids
. They are afraid that the
kids
 will spend their
time
 playing video games. Meanwhile, if they set the
activities
, they can ask their
kids
 to do robotics.
However
, on the other side, which I strongly agree with,
kids
 should have the opportunity to spend their free
time
.
Children
 mostly choose
activities
 based on their favourite
activities
,
such
 as playing sports or watching movies.
While
 doing that,
children
 learn new skills and discover themselves more deeply.
As a result
, they will have stable and stagnant mental health and conceive their environment more.
For example
,
kids
 like to play soccer with their friends in school, and from
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 games, the
kids
learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 how to work as a team. In conclusion,
while
 people argue that parents should have the opportunity to set their
kids
'
activities
, I strongly believe that
children
 should do that themselves, which might be very beneficial for their mental and personality development.
Submitted by yannn on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases. For example, instead of using "most people consider," you could say "many believe," to add variety to your vocabulary.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed for clarity and completeness. For instance, expand on why children choosing their activities might lead to stable mental health.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic effectively.
complete response
Both sides of the argument are discussed, and the writer’s opinion is clearly stated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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