IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves?

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THERE IS NO DENYING THE FACT THAT THE MAIN ROLE OF SPORT
IN
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apply
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Give
THE
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apply
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LAURELS TO
THE
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apply
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COUNTRIES OR Strengthen THE HISTORY FOR ANY
Club
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CLUB
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. THEY OUTDATE THE SPORTER FITTING TO WIN OR BREAK WORLD RECORDS.
ON THE CONTRARY
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,
THIS
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 IS A TIME TO PLAY merely FOR THEIR BANK ACCOUNT OR TO BECOME POPULAR.
THIS
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 ESSAY WILL EXPLAIN THE IMPACT OF
NEW
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THE NEW
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 generation AND THE CONSEQUENCES IN Them SPORTER.
TO BEGIN
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, IT IS axiom WORK FOR MONEY OR well-known FOR ADULTS
WHILE
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THIS
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 HAVE A BAD EFFECT IN YOUNGER,
CONSEQUENTLY
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 THE Will LOST THE Loyal FOR THE COUNTRY WHEN THEY SEE A HUG NUMBER merely FOR PARTICIPATING NOT FOR Winner ONLY.
SUCH
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 IS THE OLYMPIC OR FOOTBALL THE PIED FOR EACH MATCH. SO, THAT'S MANNER CHANGE Mentality, AS
Result
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a Result
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 THE purpose OF SPORT
LIKE
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BRAVE, POWER AND COMPETITIVE WILL
ALSO
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 CHANGE.
IN ADDITION
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,
THIS
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 BEHAVIOUR
has
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HAS
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 A adverse IMPACT ON THE CAREER OF ATHLETES.
WHILE
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 IT IS
A
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apply
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COMMON FOR
THE
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apply
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PLAYER
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PLAYERS
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 TO RUN FOR
FAMOUS
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FAME
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 AND PHOTO
SHOOT
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SHOOTS
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FURTHERMORE
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 DEEP IN MEDIA.
Hence
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, LOST THE FOCUS ON THEIR LEVEL. ON THE OTHER, HAND WE SEE A NUMBER OF PLAYERS LET THEIR DREAMS FOR A HUG A MOUNT OF MONEY. THE BEAST Example MIPPE BY SIMPLY DEMOLISHING THE CHAINS TO PLAY IN
CHILDE
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the CHILDE
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 DREAM Club BY HIS HAND FOR A gigantic DEAL IN
PRESENT
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THE PRESENT
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 Club.
THIS
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 PROVES CLEARLY THAT Transformation OF the MIND. IN CONCLUSION, AFTER A CAREFUL AND DEEP ANALYSIS OF THE Vital OF MONEY
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, AS A Result,
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AS A Result
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 JUSTIFIES THE MANNER OF A MODERN SPORTER.
MOREOVER
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, THE HARMFUL EFFECT ON
Mentality
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THE Mentality
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 OF THE YOUNGER.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction contextually introduces the topic but could be clearer and more concise. Ensure sentences flow logically to provide a better structure.
task achievement
When discussing motivations, ensure you articulate the consequences for both athletes and young people more distinctly.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or more details about actual athletes or events to strengthen your argument and support your points.
task achievement
Your essay presents a strong opinion and relevance to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have managed to touch on various aspects of the changing motivations in sports, which demonstrates critical thinking.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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