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Writing Samples
Band 6

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think the education will not work. Disscuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #health #junk #food #education #work #disscuss
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Consuming unhealthy
food
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 can give a negative impact towards health. There are two sides
of
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
 problem, some
people
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 think that
education
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 will help to
change
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this
Linking Words
 lifestyle while the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that it is useless to inform
people
Use synonyms
 about the importance of eating healthy
food
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 or home-made cook because
people
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 mostly will be ignorant and keep swallowing
junk
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food
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.
Hence
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, I will deliver these both sides and tell my opinion after that.
People
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 who believe that
education
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 is the most important thing to
change
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people
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's behaviour have the perspective that with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainable
education
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, the number of
people
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 who eat
junk
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food
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 will be decreased because they have been told
for
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apply
show examples
many times about the impact of consuming
food
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 with low nutrients
such
Linking Words
 as fried chicken and pizza.
Moreover
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, it is significant to tell them the impact
on
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of
show examples
 eating fruits and vegetables since it can give stamina during daily activities.
For example
Linking Words
, having a balance between
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle and healthy
food
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 can help nurture
body
Correct article usage
the body
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 for
people
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in
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apply
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the
age
Replace the word
aged
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of
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apply
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50 and above to look more young and powerful. Meanwhile, not
few
Correct article usage
a few
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people
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that
education
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 can not prevent society to stop consuming
food
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 without having vegetables on the side of their plate. These
people
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 believe that
education
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 just gives help for informing, but not trying to
change
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people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, parents might tell their children to have a good quality of sleep by going to bed after 10 p.m. and their children will just not pay attention unless parents force them to do it.
That
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being said that if you want to shift
people
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's
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 eating
food
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, try to make a regulation on restaurants for the calories that they use for producing
food
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. It can be helpful to make
people
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 understand how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 calories on
junk
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food
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 that they eat and it can stop them from eating
junk
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food
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. To conclude, I strongly agree with the importance of
education
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 as the way to
change
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people
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 to become better. By telling
people
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 that they can balance their
junk
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food
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 with other healthy
food
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,
people
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 will gradually start to think that it is beneficial to reduce the amount of unhealthy
food
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 and swift that to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy one.
Submitted by annisadevinaa on

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