IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think the education will not work. Disscuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #health #junk #food #education #work #disscuss
Consuming unhealthy
food
 can give a negative impact towards health. There are two sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem, some
people
 think that
education
 will help to
change
this
 lifestyle while the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that it is useless to inform
people
 about the importance of eating healthy
food
 or home-made cook because
people
 mostly will be ignorant and keep swallowing
junk
food
.
Hence
, I will deliver these both sides and tell my opinion after that.
People
 who believe that
education
 is the most important thing to
change
people
's behaviour have the perspective that with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainable
education
, the number of
people
 who eat
junk
food
 will be decreased because they have been told
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many times about the impact of consuming
food
 with low nutrients
such
 as fried chicken and pizza.
Moreover
, it is significant to tell them the impact
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 eating fruits and vegetables since it can give stamina during daily activities.
For example
, having a balance between
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle and healthy
food
 can help nurture
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 for
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50 and above to look more young and powerful. Meanwhile, not
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
education
 can not prevent society to stop consuming
food
 without having vegetables on the side of their plate. These
people
 believe that
education
 just gives help for informing, but not trying to
change
people
.
For instance
, parents might tell their children to have a good quality of sleep by going to bed after 10 p.m. and their children will just not pay attention unless parents force them to do it.
That
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being said that if you want to shift
people
's
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 eating
food
, try to make a regulation on restaurants for the calories that they use for producing
food
. It can be helpful to make
people
 understand how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 calories on
junk
food
 that they eat and it can stop them from eating
junk
food
. To conclude, I strongly agree with the importance of
education
 as the way to
change
people
 to become better. By telling
people
 that they can balance their
junk
food
 with other healthy
food
,
people
 will gradually start to think that it is beneficial to reduce the amount of unhealthy
food
 and swift that to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy one.
Submitted by annisadevinaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: