IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of old people that that of young people in many countries in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#proportion #people #countries #future #development
The vast majority believe that modernization has changed the way
people
 live, particularly in producing offspring to create regeneration. The trend of not married and
child
's free have answered that assumption. Thereof, the proportion of old
people
 in many countries later will be higher than the
population
 of the young generation.
People
 tend to believe that they've already lost the sense of certainty that the future holds. The modern world has been more challenging to survive. It affects the way the young generation thinks about
Add the particle
to grow
show examples
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 a
child
. Life cost has been increasing so much, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job has been scarce during some obstacles like the global pandemic. Productive young
people
 tend to choose to have a pet rather than have a
child
 to regenerate their nations.
For example
, the
people
 of in East Asian countries have decreased due to the tendency of their
people
 to not marry and avoid giving birth. It has been a negative output since the countries like Japan and Korea are nearer to distinction.
Besides
 the negative effect, the positive effect can be felt by the government handling the
population
 census. By decreasing the
population
, the demography can be controlled and organized,
hence
 the country
also
 lessens its burden. Apart from that, old
people
 who cling to tradition and cultures benefit from
this
 situation. They can preserve their custom and values without being shifted by young
people
, and it gives them the guarantee to undergo the life they want. Based on both perspectives, I think the decreasing young
population
 is a serious problem to tackle with. Every country needs regeneration, I believe it is an essential part to continue
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 existence as
nation
Add an article
a nation
show examples
. Without regeneration, not only nations will vanish from civilization, but the whole human
population
 will disappear as well. In a nutshell, some
people
 believe that having no
child
 is their urgency to survive
this
 challenging world, while some old
people
 believe that their cultures and custom should be preserved well without shifting.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: