IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Despite many feeling that
adaptingto
Correct your spelling
adapting to
adopting
a critical situation in
life
 like low income or dissatisfaction with jobs could be beneficial for
Add an article
a
the
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
,
however
, I strongly support those who feel that
people
 should be more conscious about improvement in their
life
. On the one hand, it is thought that allowing difficult circumstances in
life
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
people
 to be happy, and honest. When
people
 are used to facing critical situations with their satisfaction willingly, they often feel real happiness.
For example
, recently a study has shown in the daily newspaper on ‘Happiness around the world’ that those
people
 supposed to be happy themselves, most of them are earning a low income.
In addition
, if
people
 can manage their
life
 with the shortage of
money
, they might be able ,to be honest in their
life
instead
 of involved in corruption.
Therefore
, the circumstances of difficulties in
life
 could be advantageous for
Add an article
a
the
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to make them happy and honest.
On the other hand
, in my opinion, the main advantages of endeavours for improvements in
life
 are making financial strength for the
next
 generation, and spending for additional needs in daily
life
. Most
people
 want to earn more
money
 than their daily expenditure to secure their families financially, and
this
 theory comes from old aged
people
 from generation to generation.
For instance
, a survey report has been published in 2020 that depicts 80 per cent of service holders in Bangladesh prioritise their families over themselves.
Furthermore
, a good salary may help to balance our lives because
people
 have to spend
money
additionally
 for many purposes,
such
 as medical treatment, migration, celebrations, and so many.
Thus
, I feel that everyone should be focused on thriving their financial conditions to enjoy their
life
 in several ways. In conclusion,
although
 a shortage of
money
 could bring some positive aspects to
life
 undoubtedly,
however
, I strongly feel that improvements in careers have no alternative to outliving on earth.
Submitted by ataul.mumit on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: