IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Ordinary people try to copy famous people either reading magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people?

#people #copy #magazines #tv #idea
In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world, social media or TV have effects on society. Some
people
 often try to copy celebrities. They think
to look
Change the verb form
looking
show examples
 like a celebrity is cool, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 could have some serious results. Most
people
 dream about a better
life
. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, they follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities. They show us the keys
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
happier
Add an article
a happier
show examples
 and better
life
 and they share their routines and philosophy. I don’t think they are realistic for most
people
.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 different
life
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 between ordinary and famous
people
, while ordinary
people
 work 8 hours per day, famous
people
 probably work less than them.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 famous
people
 earn much more money, so that changes their
life
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
. They used to using expensive brands and to have time for themselves.
On the other hand
, ordinary
people
 can not spend as much
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money because they barely afford
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their needs. If
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
people
 try to copy a celebrity, there will be negative economical results for
this
 action.
In addition
, I think
people
 are perfect with differences. If
everbody
Correct your spelling
everybody
 copies
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 celebrities,
then
 they all look like same (same nose, make-up, style, etc).
This
 is not
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
psychology.
People
 could think, they are behind the others when they couldn’t catch the trends. Especially teenagers and young adults should be careful about themselves. Are they really want to get something or
they
Add a missing verb
do they
show examples
 want
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 it is trendy? In conclusion,
act
Wrong verb form
acting
show examples
 like someone, who
are’t
Correct your spelling
aren’t
are
 you
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be expensive and overwhelming. It may lead to financial difficulties and depression.
Submitted by ebeyza34 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: