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Writing Samples
Band 6

Sports should be made mandatory for all children as it helps in their physical health. Do you agree or disagree?

#sports #children #health
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Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
's health issues
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased because of technology. The child
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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suffered
obsity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 because they become lazy.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 activities should be compulsory in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. There are numerous advantages that focused on
such
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. So, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view and I
also
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 give
explanation
Add an article
an explanation
the explanation
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 in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are various benefits of
sports
Use synonyms
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be made compulsory for all
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when
school
Use synonyms
 should mandatory subject as
sports
Use synonyms
 which helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
a children
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
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 health problem
such
Linking Words
 as
obsity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 and
also
Linking Words
 increased physical strength but
also
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 improve mental
states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
sports
Use synonyms
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 started
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 earlier age like yoga, outdoor games and athletics,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would be
Correct article usage
a hebit
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hebit
Correct your spelling
habit
hit
 in the future that it became helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people's health
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 older age.
For example
Linking Words
, the sportsman
M.S.Dhoni
Correct your spelling
M.S. Dhoni
 started playing cricket in his childhood and he keeps his body fit. These days, he
is
Change the verb form
is also following
is also followed
show examples
also
Linking Words
 follow
fitness
Correct article usage
a fitness
show examples
regima
Correct your spelling
regime
regimen
 and he become fit.
In addition
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, when
school
Use synonyms
 should be made
mandatory
Correct article usage
a mandatory
show examples
 physical subject, it would
be helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to find passion
those
Change preposition
in those
show examples
children
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 who started their carrier in
sportsperson
Add an article
a sportsperson
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, the game which playing in
group
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a group
the group
show examples
, it would teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
skill
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skills
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such
Linking Words
 as organisation, leadership,
team work
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teamwork
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 and other more. Another, positive
outcomes
Fix the agreement mistake
outcome
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 including
sports
Use synonyms
 as a part of
Use synonyms
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
show examples
 subject
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that
via
Change preposition
by
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 doing these
sports
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, they will keep themselves fit and healthy. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
 healthy body will produce the power needed to fight numerous diseases.
For instance
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, seldom
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 any
athlets
Correct your spelling
athletes
 suffer from cardiac problems. In conclusion, thanks to the influence of
sports
Use synonyms
 on improving
children
Use synonyms
's physical status. I believe that it has become an essential issue to make physical education compulsory at schooling time.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

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