IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Education is not a luxury but a basic human righ and as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth. Do you agree or disagree?

#education #luxury #righ #wealth
IT IS TRUE THAT
EDUCATION
 IS NOT ONLY FOR SOME HIGH-PROFILE SOCIETIES. BECAUSE
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 IT IS NECESSARY FOR HUMANS TO LIVE GOOD
LIFE
 IN
THIS
 21ST CENTURY. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH
THIS
 STATEMENT.
FIRST
 OF ALL, EVERYONE NEED TO STUDY A LEAST AT HIGHER SECONDARY SCHOOL OR STILL 18 YEARS OLD AGE.
THUS
, THEY CAN EXPAND THEIR ABILITY OR CHOOSE THEIR CAREER IN A GOOD WAY.
FURTHERMORE
,
EDUCATION
 PLAY IMPORTANT ROLE IN EVERYONE
LIFE
 WITH REGARD TO THEY CAN MAKE GOOD FRIENDS AND RELATION, AND
ALSO
 LEARN WHAT IS THE COMPETITION AND BASIC KNOWLEDGE OF THE MODERN WORLD.
FOR INSTANCE
, STUDY MAY HELP TO FIND SKILLS OR HOBBIES IN THEIR STUDENT
LIFE
. AFTER THAT , THEY HAVE TO CHANCE TO FOLLOW OR PURSUE SKILLS AND MAKE A GOOD REPUTATION IN OUR SOCIETY AND
ALSO
 BECOME HELPFUL IN
SUCH
 A GOOD WAY TO COMMUNITIES.
SECONDLY
, IN OUR SOCIETY, THERE ARE MANY PARENTS WHO WANT TO GIVE A GOOD
EDUCATION
 TO THEIR
CHILDREN
. BUT, THEY HAVE ONE BIGGEST PROBLEM IS A FINANCE.
HENCE
,THEY CAN NOT AFFORD OR GIVE GOOD
EDUCATION
 TO THEIR
CHILDREN
.
FOR INSTANCE
, SOME
CHILDREN
 HAVE A HIGH LEVEL OF ABILITY TO INVEST IN ANYTHING NEW WITH
USE
Correct article usage
THE USE
show examples
 OF WORLD RESOURCES.
HOWEVER
, THEY CAN NOT DO ANYTHING BECAUSE OF LACK OF
EDUCATION
 OR NOT GETTING GOOD GUIDANCE FROM
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
PROPER PROFESSORS OR
GUIDNER
Correct your spelling
GARDNER
.
AS A RESULT
 , THEY NEED TO FOLLOW SOME OTHER WAYS OF LIVING THEIR
LIFE
. IN CONCLUSION, GOVERNMENT MUST TRY TO MAKE
EDUCATION
 TOTALLY FOR
CHILDREN
.
ALSO
 ,PEOPLE DO NOT NEED TO MAKE COMPASSION IN
EDUCATION
BY
Change preposition
OF
show examples
 THEIR WEALTH . WE ALL KNOW THAT DRES'S CODE IS ONE OF THE BEST IN SCHOOL OR UNIVERSITY DUE TO STUDENTS CAN NOT MAKE COMPARISONS WITH EACH OTHER.
Submitted by banseepatel444 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: