Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness.

#people #money #factors #happiness

Money

is considered by many

people

to be one of the most contributing factors towards

happiness

. In my opinion,

people

can not be fully happy without

money

, as the satisfaction of all basic needs costs

money

and other aspects of

life

can play a more vital role in creating

happiness

First

of all, it is clear that

people

can not be happy without

money

in their

pocket

Fix the agreement mistake

pockets

show examples

Main

Add an article

The main

show examples

cause of

this

misfortune is not greed, but the fact that basic human needs can not be covered. Food, medicine, clothes and housing costs nowadays are very expensive and the salaries of average

people

are only enough to cover basic needs. In that case, many can not even travel, they can not buy a new phone for years. A lot of

people

are very careful with their clothes and wear

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

for a long time, they are afraid

about

Change preposition

show examples

getting sick and

live

Wrong verb form

living

show examples

in the same house for generations. Families can not talk about big plans for

life

because they are busy looking for a solution to their budget constraints. It is clearly understood that

people

can not be happy without enough

money

because they spend all of their budget on basic human needs.

However

money

is not the only way to be happy and real

happiness

is about connecting with

people

and finding yourself in your

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

activities.

People

have always needed communication,

that is

why

people

create friendships, make a family and communicate with the world. When

people

talk with each other and spend time together they feel peaceful and happier, communication is one of the main parts of

people

’s

life

Replace the word

lives

show examples

and it brings joy equally

Change preposition

show examples

money

Also

, finding

yourself

Correct pronoun usage

your

show examples

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

hobbies and activities can help to relax,

feel

Correct word choice

and feel

show examples

harmony and connection with

the

Change the word

your

show examples

surrounding. Actions, which I mentioned before, are really simple and many may think

that

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

not as important as

money

, but it is one of the reasons for

happiness

. To sum up,

money

is a huge part of human

life

and it can buy

people’s

Change noun form

people

show examples

happiness

, but some other aspects of human beings like communication with loved ones can bring joy and peace in

life

Submitted by gazizakanalbek on Tue Jan 03 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

359 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

A prisoner should stay in their cell every day of his/her sentence. That is what justice means. Do you agree with this statement or believe that prisoners could do something more constructive with their time, such as voluntary work?

In the future, the main reason for going to shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. do you agree or disagree?

Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?