IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that governments should invest more money in public services instead of the arts (such as music, painting, and theatre). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent years, there have been ongoing debates about whether governments should spend money on public services or they ought to invest it in the
arts
Use synonyms
. I believe that they should use it in the core infrastructure, because it develops the economy, and it is considered a basic need for all citizens, regardless of the country's development level.
To begin
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 with, some people claim that authorities should invest more in public facilities can contribute to economic growth.
In other words
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, when a country enhances its
healthcare
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
, its workers' health will improve.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will support the economy because their efficiency has increased. A good example is Canada , where the
healthcare
Use synonyms
system
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 is free. Not only will they enjoy their lives, but they
also
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 will not have to afford the financial burden of the
healthcare
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 insurance.
Moreover
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, enhancing public services is considered an essential need for society.
In other words
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, the benefits of developing the educational
system
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 are more than the benefits of developing the
arts
Use synonyms
 sectors.
For instance
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, Germany has a competitive educational
system
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 for free.
Thus
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, what can be said is that education and
healthcare
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 are crucial for any country as basic factors for development.
To conclude
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, by highlighting the above-mentioned points,
although
Linking Words
 all types of
arts
Use synonyms
 are valuable for the society's culture, government-funded sectors are more important for the economy and for fulfilling essential needs. I claim that governments should spend funds more wisely by using them on core infrastructure, and
then
Linking Words
 allocate the remaining on the
arts
Use synonyms
 programs.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are clear and well-supported with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Good introduction that clearly states your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You made clear points on the importance of public services.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • invest
  • money
  • public services
  • arts
  • music
  • painting
  • theatre
  • healthcare
  • education
  • well-being
  • citizens
  • funding
  • quality
  • access
  • social welfare
  • inequalities
  • community
  • creativity
  • mental health
  • balance
  • support
  • partnerships
  • cultural activities
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