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Writing Samples
Band 8

These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves (for example on holidays) rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #holidays #children #development
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A growing number of retired people have shown a shift in spending habits from depositing for the younger generation to consuming for their own. I personally believe that
this
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 development comes with both benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, several reasons are driving old people to adopt
this
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 new way of spending.
Firstly
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, it is necessary for the elderly to spend money on maintaining their fitness, given that their health conditions tend to become more vulnerable as they age.
For example
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, chronic diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure can stretch the family's financial strain in the end if not treated with care when they are rather less severe.
Secondly
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, more retired men claim to start a new business that helps others their age. A recent report from Bloomberg gave an example that a resistance training program founded by a late 50 female entrepreneur from the Netherlands has proven to be a success in the community and helped to improve the well-being of the local elderly.
This
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 kind of business allows the solidary of the old group to flourish and reduce the burdens on the local authority.
On the other hand
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, it can trigger some problems if the elderly abolish their saving habit. It is a fact that young people heavily from less-developed countries rely on sponsorship from their parents to purchase a property, a building block for married life. Take China as an example, where the skyrocketing housing price aggravates the demand from brooms families to require an apartment to be prepared by the husband before registration. In conclusion, while the old group holds independence in dealing with their pension funds and deposits, I would like to argue that
this
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 can be compromised when their children need their support.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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