IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

SOme believe that many countries, the investment of public money in arts can be justified. Other think that the government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#believe #countries #investment #money #arts #government #health #education
A number of countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 to spend
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
 activities
various
Change preposition
for various
show examples
 acceptable reasons, whereas opponents argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments should fund
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and education sectors more than cultural issues. I
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 agree with
former
Add an article
the former
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 idea due to the fact that I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that there are no differences between arts and other
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
 like schools and hospitals.
To begin
 with,
art
 one of the most essential ways to
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 close the society and to boost the cultural level of the community.
For example
, establishing vary of
art
 museums, cinemas and concert buildings enables to
create
Replace the word
creation
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common
Change preposition
of common
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 values for citizens. İf these places had not opened, people would not reach the
opportunitiy
Correct your spelling
opportunity
opportunities
 which can
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 invisible emotional communication
among
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
In other words
, spending
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
Correct article usage
the art
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 sector not only
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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has
Change the verb form
have
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 effects on
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 in
visible
Change the article
a visible
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 way, but
also
 it might contribute to
Correct article usage
the progress
show examples
progress
Wrong verb form
progressing
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relationships
Change preposition
of relationships
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 between the citizens.
Therefore
, funding
art
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 is not
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 and it has equal importance
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 health
services
.
On the other hand
, no one can deny that public
services
such
 as medical
services
 and colleges
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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provide to live better condition for
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
, one of the most crucial tools to take after its own citizens
for
Change preposition
apply
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rulers. To
illusrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
,
progress
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the progress
show examples
 of human history generally has been based on novelties which have involved overcoming health and education problems. In fact,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history has shown that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind could live more than it had lived thanks to
capability
Add an article
the capability
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 of medical
services
 and it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 learned that to
raech
Correct your spelling
reach
this
 proficiency
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
needed the schools. Yet,
although
 schools and hospitals
quite
Add a missing verb
are quite
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 essential for society, it should be considered that
art
 activities have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 importance in the same way. To conclude, a number of people claim that states ought to spend
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 colleges and hospitals more than
art
 places, while other
belives
Correct your spelling
believes
show examples
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
. It seems to me that arts and other essential
services
 have equal importance aspect for being
cruiel
Correct your spelling
cruel
crucial
 needs for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
Submitted by myurt4848 on

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