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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, the use of surveillance cameras in public places is increasing. Some people think this is necessary for public safety, while others believe it infringes on personal privacy. Discuss both sides and give your own view.

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Introduction
In recent years, there has been a growing trend towards the installation of
surveillance
Use synonyms
 cameras in public spaces. Proponents argue that
this
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 is essential for ensuring public safety, as it can deter criminal activities and aid law enforcement in solving crimes.
Conversely
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, critics contend that
such
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surveillance
Use synonyms
 encroaches upon personal
privacy
Use synonyms
, as it monitors individuals' daily movements without their explicit consent.
Body paragraph 1
Those advocating for enhanced public safety maintain that
surveillance
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 cameras, especially in densely populated urban areas where crime rates are relatively high, serve as a powerful deterrent. The presence of CCTV can discourage potential offenders and provide invaluable evidence for law enforcement, thereby reducing crime and increasing the likelihood of prosecutions.
For instance
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, in many major cities, CCTV footage has been instrumental in identifying and apprehending criminals, leading to safer streets and a greater sense of security among residents.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, opponents of widespread
surveillance
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 raise valid concerns about the erosion of personal
privacy
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. They argue that constant monitoring infringes upon an individual's right to go about their daily life without being observed, creating a 'Big Brother' society where citizens feel uneasy and distrustful.
Moreover
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, the financial burden of installing and maintaining extensive CCTV networks can be substantial, potentially diverting resources from other crucial public services
such
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 as healthcare and education.
For example
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, allocating a significant portion of the budget to
surveillance
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 systems in a developing country could hamper progress in essential sectors, thereby affecting the
overall
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 well-being of the population.
Conclusion
In my view,
while
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 the enhancement of public safety through
surveillance
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 is important, it should not come at the expense of fundamental
privacy
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 rights. The key lies in striking a balance
:
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 governments should implement
surveillance
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 measures judiciously, ensuring transparency, and adhere to strict data protection regulations.
Additionally
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, the operation of
such
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 systems should be subject to independent oversight to prevent misuse. By adopting a responsible approach, societies can reap the benefits of increased security
while
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 safeguarding the
privacy
Use synonyms
 of their citizens.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own clear view. To make your answer even stronger, add one more clear limit, such as who can see the video, how long it can be kept, and when it must be removed.
task response
Your ideas are clear and well explained. The examples work, but they are quite general. Use one more real or more detailed example to show exactly how cameras can help solve a crime or how they may harm privacy.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and your view. Each paragraph has one main idea. Keep using this simple and easy-to-follow plan.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Conversely”, “On the other hand”, and “Moreover” help the reader. You could also use a few simpler links, such as “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”, so the flow feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph gives a good answer to the question. It could be even more direct if its first sentence clearly said that cameras should be used only in places where there is a real need for safety.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain why cameras may improve safety, why they may reduce privacy, and what you think should happen.
task response
Your main points are well supported. You explain that cameras can stop crime and help find people who break the law, while also showing the risk of too much watching and high costs.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well planned, and the reader can easily follow your ideas from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well. The ending returns to the main issue and gives a practical way to balance safety and privacy.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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