IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that
sugar
Use synonyms
 from manufactured food and drinks is an indispensable thing in everyone's daily menu in today's world.
While
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 some persistently cling to the notion that sugars should be higher in price, I hold the opposing idea that those products' expenses should remain the same.
To begin
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 with, imposing a higher expense on sugars may lead to a higher expense on other sugary products, causing poor people to have more problems.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
sugar
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 is only one of the materials needed to produce sweets
such
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 as chocolate, flour, and cheese, resulting in an increase in the price of those related ingredients.
For instance
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, rice which, by nature, contains an amount of
sugar
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 is a part of every household dish not only because it is tasty with food but
also
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 fulfills people's satiety. Technically,
sugar
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as well as
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 other sugary products not only contains a considerable amount of chemical composition which plays an indispensable role in producing energy for our body, but
also
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 contributes to developing a mighty well-being and functioning normally. Imposing a higher expense on sugars reduces the ability of poor people to have a balanced diet.
Instead
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, a new law should be brought in as strictly restricting the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of sugary drinks or food in one-time shopping would definitely not be a bad idea. In short,
sugar
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 is a crucial part of daily meals and works as a main source of energy. Needless to say, as consuming
sugar
Use synonyms
 at an acceptable amount profoundly contributes to our health, the government needs to take every factor into consideration before adopting a new policy.

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task response
Be sure to directly address the prompt's suggestion of making sugary products more expensive and elaborate on whether or not you agree with this policy. It's important to clearly connect your arguments back to the task statement.
task response
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly about the health effects of sugar and economic implications on different societal groups.
task response
Try to balance the discussion by explaining both sides of the argument, even briefly, to show awareness of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that establishes the writer's stance on the issue, which aids in providing a focused response.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are logically structured, with each focusing on a distinct supportive point that supports the writer's view.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates the primary argument, reinforcing the writer's position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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