IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that adversiting is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are widely known by societies. Some individuals claim that advertising is significantly successful at convincing
people
Use synonyms
 to shop for items,
while
Linking Words
 others think that advertising is a norm that it is no longer has the ability to gain attraction. In the following paragraph, I will discuss the circumstances on each side and provide my opinion as well. On one hand, it is a cyber era these days, in which
advertisements
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 can be simply discovered. The appearance of advertising is
in nowhere
Verb problem
not
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that is
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 embedded in individuals’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For instance
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,
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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 videos that
people
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watched
Wrong verb form
watch
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 often have implied countless
advertisements
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 during the play. These lead to adverse effects and annoy
people
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 if too many
advertisements
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 have appeared. So, most
people
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 are done with it and ignore the attendance of
advertisements
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.
On the other hand
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, advertising promotes the growth of items’ sales. It attracts and
rises
Correct your spelling
raises
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 the individuals’ desire to achieve an item.
For example
Linking Words
, a massage chair advertisement claims that it provides comfortable usage,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
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 it
also
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 helps
people
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 to ease their tension which is essential for the stressful work life of today's society.
Hence
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, advertising does play a role
well
Rephrase
apply
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in persuading individuals to shop. In conclusion,
although
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 advertising can be found everywhere which is a common phenomenon and may be unattractive, it still manages to capture
people
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's needs and to buy with willingness. In my opinion, I believe that advertising has its positive and negative effects. So, I am standing on the fence as it does fulfil some of my
desire
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desires
show examples
, but sometimes it annoys me, especially when it appears in my mailbox.

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Content
The overall structure of the essay is good with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs each discussing a view, and a conclusion. However, there are a few inaccuracies in language use and some ideas could be more fully developed. Also, spelling and proper use of conjunctions ('as' instead of 'as well') need to be addressed.
Examples
You are presenting relevant examples to support your points. However, they could be more specific and strong to strengthen your argument.
Language Use
Avoid using ambiguous expressions like 'standing on the fence', which can lead to confusion. It’s essential that your personal position be clear and easy to understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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