IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #music #cultures #ages
Nowadays it is often debated issue that
music
 is a common way to get together and feel joy for all kinds of
people
 worldwide. In
this
 essay,
this
 issue is argued from every angle and stated my opinion below.
Firstly
, most of the time the elements of
music
 are composed so universally that it has created a common sense among
people
 from different backgrounds. Since it feels and understands what is about directly despite not knowing the language of the lyrics.
For instance
, when
people
 are sleeping with their babies, they tend to sing a lullaby whatever the language is.
Moreover
, many
people
 all around the world find relief from pain and worry in
music
.
On the other hand
, sometimes
music
 can be used to create a cultural identity, a sense of belonging to certain groups.
Moreover
, the language and the traditional
music
 of a country are the best expressions of its spirit.
For example
, every nation has a march that represents its dignity.
Hence
,
this
 composition senses deep and meaningful only for its resident.
In addition
, in the Olympic games, only some of the citizens of the winner's country get emotional when listening to their march. Overall,
music
 fulfils basic human needs for rhythm, melody and aesthetic pleasure.
Therefore
, while certain types of melodies do not represent feelings commonly, in my opinion,
music
 definitely has a unique ability to unite
people
 across age, gender and social divides. It is a successful testimony to the fact that there is much more that unites us than divides us.
Submitted by sinemhocaoglu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: