Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion
A portion of people
believes
that adventurous Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
sports
should be restricted while
others say that an individual should have Correct article usage
the fully
fully
right to practice any game without restriction. I agree with the latter idea as Change the word
full
the
risky Correct article usage
apply
sports
help you dig out your potential along with
that
keep you healthy and fit.
One group of Correct pronoun usage
apply
community
believe that dangerous Add an article
the community
sports
activities should be discouraged as it leads to serious irreversible impairments of the body like spinal and bone injuries. Although
these sportsmen are highly appreciated one injury can halt their career as well as
daily life activities. Moreover
, sometimes these fatal injuries would lead to death hence
it argued that these activities should be banned. For instance
, Shoaib Akhtar, a retired fast bowler of the Pakistan cricket team, always has been in and out of the game due to
ankle and knee tears.
On the other hand
, one group of people believe that risky sports
should be encouraged it
helps to bring out your capabilities with thrilling experiences. Correct word choice
because it
Secondly
, it promotes burning calories keeps
you mentally and physically fit. Correct word choice
and keeps
In addition
to this
, people get a chance to explore brand new experiences rather than living a monotonous life with stress and exhaustion. For example
, my friend who was stressed and bored with life went on a trip with her friends in Thailand where she did parasailing and paragliding. Initially
she was afraid, but Add a comma
Initially,
this
activity not only helped in overcoming her fear of heights but also
provided her with a sense of achievement .
Overall
I would like to conclude
that outdoor experience should be tried with caution to avoid any harm as it helps to build strength and willpower to take
bigger decisions in future and to become a stronger individual .Correct your spelling
make
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task response
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure and completion of response need improvement. You should address both sides of the argument and develop your ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. The ideas need to be organized more coherently, and the relationship between the paragraphs should be improved.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. However, focus on the accurate use of academic vocabulary and some collocations to elevate the lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are some errors in sentence structure and verb tense usage. Review the use of complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement.