IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

. Some people believe that when choosing a job, the only thing to be considered is the salary it is offering, while others are of the opinion that you should do what you love. Discuss both views.

Finding a suitable occupation related to our major is a serious business.
While
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 some opine that salary is the most important factor that must be considered when
people
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 want to choose occupations, others argue that interest is what a job is all about. From my perspective,
money
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 goes a long way in
this
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 modern era. On the one hand, there is a definite link between passion and making progress in each field. To clarify,
people
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 usually tend to work in an environment that creates a great deal of excitement for them, since it motivates them to do their best in
such
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 a place, which will result in increasing efficiency and productivity for companies.
Hence
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, it should be a priority for
people
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 to place a high value on their feelings ,
instead
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 of focusing solely on making
money
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.
On the other hand
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,
money
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 is the most important option to benefit from a standard of living. As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and the style of living is no exception. Nowadays,
people
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 are bombarded with a torrent of modern devices, which are really costly, and they have to spend a vast amount of
money
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 buying them. Maybe
this
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 is why many individuals tend to do those occupations that can create a great deal of
money
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 for them. In
this
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 way, they can benefit from smart gadgets in
this
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 contemporary era.
Moreover
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, it makes a valuable contribution to boost their self-confidence. When they can earn enough
money
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 to meet their daily needs, it gives them a sense of identity. So, considering a level of wage should be a priority for those who want to have social welfare. In conclusion,
although
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 no one dares to deny the importance of interest in the world of business, it does not necessarily mean
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 can be enough to have an enjoyable life. I believe that when we can be happy in
this
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 materialistic life, we can meet our demands without struggling to survive.
As a result
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, we have no other choice but to find an occupation with a high salary

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structure
Plan your essay with one main idea per paragraph and a clear link to your view.
development
Use more concrete and real life examples to back each point.
style
Keep sentences short and simple; choose easy words and avoid long forms.
cohesion
Add linking words to move ideas, such as 'also', 'however', 'therefore'.
content
The essay shows a clear view and tries to discuss both sides.
structure
There is a clear start and end, with a conclusion.
coherence
Ideas are easy to follow for most parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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