IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the best wat to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative wats or reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #wat #crime #prison #sentences #alternative #wats
Some would argue that the optimal way to lower
crime
 is to provide
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more years in
jail
, I believe that a preferable way is to educate them to lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
. On the one hand, there is to believe that
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 in prison will reduce
crime
 because some citizens thought that
criminals
 will learn their lesson.
Firstly
, most of these
people
 who commit felonies are older than forty
years-old
Correct your spelling
years old
show examples
, so these adults tend to commit a
crime
 again.
Moreover
, there are multiple statistics that mentioned many situations in which
those criminal
Change the determiner
that criminal
those criminals
show examples
 will
return
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
withing
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 a period of five years,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 time with a longer sentence.
For instance
, In the United States, California,
Prisions
Correct your spelling
Prisons
 are full of gangsters who violate the law, and there are no sufficient
prisions
Correct your spelling
prisons
 to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 all these
criminals
.
However
, I believe that we do not need more
prisions
Correct your spelling
prisons
 to put all these offenders because it is
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 that
this
 method is not working.
On the other hand
, many
people
 believe it is better to educate them while they are in
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
 because it is proved that educated
people
 might not commit a
crime
 again.
To begin
 with, citizens who have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of education raise awareness of the importance to keep away from
jail
.
Also
, when they finished a high-school diploma or
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
of them achieve higher education
such
 as becoming a lawyer, they will never
return
 to
jail
.
For instance
, in the UK
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
 system,
criminals
 who have a sentence longer than five years, they are
sending
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
 to an educational program to obtain a degree, so they can
return
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rehabilitated individuals. I believe
this
 is a preferable school of thought because these
people
 are relocated in society and they will function properly. To conclude, even though some
people
 believe that sending
criminals
 to a longer period of time might lower the
crime
 rate, it is not always the right method to follow because many of them will
return
 to
jail
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
criminals
 who were educated while in
jail
, it is proved that they will never come again to prison.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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