IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays,we are inhibiting the Era of overpopulation.As it supplies two different concepts.The proportion of young people seems considerably higher than older genes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 opinion provides
both
Use synonyms
 merits and demerits as well.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will justify my own point of view
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 drawing some explanations and examples Broadly speaking,involved countries may face many profits coming from youngsters'
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
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.
Moreover
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,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 vast majority of job places,
organizations'
Correct word choice
and organizations'
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 innovation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 highly dependent on the young generations,
such
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 as
both
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
indoor and outdoor activities are highly regarded based on
the
Change the word
their
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 cognitive experience of themselves.
For example
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,today in Uzbekistan technology is booming day by day.Like
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
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 section,the contents
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are operated by citizens in order to
making
Change the verb
make
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 profit,or blogs that detect necessary information
to
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for
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 publicity.
This
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 means
,
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apply
show examples
the potential of these innovations
are
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is
show examples
 from juniors. Analyzing possible disadvantages,from the ancient time elder generation are highly admitted
both
Use synonyms
 generalizing something or being a main part of society.
For instance
Linking Words
,in Uzbek culture never have been any kind of ceremonies without elders as they have more influence
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to place
with
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apply
show examples
Add an article
the order
an order
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order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
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.
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,spending time with them is priceless as it is an initial way of absorbing life experiences.
For instance
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,lessening from them,children can motivate themselves with high power without
afraiding
Correct your spelling
afraid
 of taking a risk. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
both
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 sectors are equally essential for a nation.But I opine that the minus sides outweigh the plus ones.As every segment of our citizens are vital for the future
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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