IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
An increasing number of humans with obesity is designed on the
health
 care application platform, in terms of public
health
 status regarded. Part of people may reckon that the best approach is to cope with the problem to input increased physical education classes in
schools
. I entirely agree with that point and offer some points and examples in detail below.
Firstly
, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long-term approach and introducing more
sports
 and exercise in
schools
.
This
 method will ensure that the
next
 generation will be healthier and will not have
such
health
 problems. At the moment, the average child in the West does athletics possibly twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their
otherwise
 sedentary lifestyle.
However
, by incorporating more
sports
 classes into the curriculum as well as encouraging extracurricular
sports
 activities, they will undoubtedly become fitter and more active. Another point to consider is that having more
sports
 lessons for
children
 in
schools
 will probably result in
children
 developing an interest in exercise which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer-lasting effect.
In other words
, parents with sporty
children
 are more likely to get involved in
sports
 as a way of encouraging their
children
. Both parents and
children
 being involved,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will ensure that
children
 grow up to incorporate sport into their daily lives.
This
 is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public
health
. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing sport in
schools
 is the easiest and most effective method to use.
Submitted by jackson.lingua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: