Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

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With the popularity of

smartphones

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among

children

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, the debate on whether

this

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can jeopardise

children

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's mental and physical health has attracted many parents' concerns. From my perspective,

this

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phenomenon is a double-edged sword,

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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on the one hand helps

children

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to connect with the colourful

world

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;

on the other hand

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, exposes them too early to a

world

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filled with emotions

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

reasons. Before analysing the pros and cons, we had better explore its causes first. From my experience, the strong feeling of loneliness brought by living in cities is a primary reason. In cities, people usually live in houses independent of each other, where intimate connections between people are hard to establish, especially true for

children

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as they often have

norrower

Correct your spelling

narrower

circles than

adults'

Change noun form

adults

show examples

. Take myself as an illustration, when I lived with my grandparents in a village, where I had many friends of the same age that we rejoiced in exploring fields and pretending to be a hero saving the

world

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from attacks.

Therefore

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, we seldom

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

time on

smartphones

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However

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, when my family moved to a city, I suddenly realised that I did not even know the

children

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in the same neighbourhood, which resulted in my indulgence in

smartphones

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Nevertheless

Linking Words

smartphones

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, as mentioned before,

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

some benefits for

children

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. One of them is that it guides

children

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to enter into a wonderful

world

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at a negligible cost. Once there was an interview with a girl from

isolated

Correct article usage

an isolated

show examples

mountains, in which the girl told the journalist that

smartphones

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enabled her to learn about oceans, deserts, and

galaciers

Correct your spelling

glaciers

. She said it was

unconceivable

Correct your spelling

inconceivable

show examples

for her to witness these sceneries without

smartphones

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as she could

affort

Correct your spelling

afford

travel

cost

Fix the agreement mistake

costs

show examples

. In the light of

this

Linking Words

smartphones

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does

Change the verb form

show examples

open a door for deprived

children

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to the beautiful

world

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Nonetheless

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, the excessive usage of

smartphones

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can do harm to

children

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's health,

for example

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, damaging their eyesight

for

Change preposition

show examples

watching screens for too long. To summarise, lacking social connections can stimulate

children

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to be addicted

Change preposition

show examples

smartphones

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This

Linking Words

can damage their eyesight but it can

also

Linking Words

alleviate the feeling of loneliness and help

children

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leran

Correct your spelling

learn

more about the interesting

world

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hx88375757Sun Sep 29 2024

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task response

Your essay addresses the task and provides relevant examples. However, make sure to directly answer the question of whether it is a positive or negative development more explicitly in the conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas within each paragraph are logically connected. You could improve this by using more signposting language and ensuring a clearer progression of ideas.

task response

Your essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points, like the personal illustration and the interview with the girl from the isolated mountains.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

354 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

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In recent decades, the rapid advancements in technology have transformed almost every aspect of our lives. While some believe that these innovations have greatly improved the quality of life, others argue that they have brought about significant challenges and drawbacks.

Traditional food is undergoing great changes and being replaced by new diets. What do you think are the reasons and what do you think about this phenomenon?

Ecotourism is now defined as responsible travel to natural areas that conserves the environment . What are the advantages of ecotourism ? how can we make ecotourism more popular ?