Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development
With the popularity of
smartphones
among children
, the debate on whether this
can jeopardise children
's mental and physical health has attracted many parents' concerns. From my perspective, this
phenomenon is a double-edged sword, which
on the one hand helps Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
to connect with the colourful world
; on the other hand
, exposes them too early to a world
filled with emotions than
reasons.
Before analysing the pros and cons, we had better explore its causes first. From my experience, the strong feeling of loneliness brought by living in cities is a primary reason. In cities, people usually live in houses independent of each other, where intimate connections between people are hard to establish, especially true for Rephrase
rather than
children
as they often have norrower
circles than Correct your spelling
narrower
adults'
. Take myself as an illustration, when I lived with my grandparents in a village, where I had many friends of the same age that we rejoiced in exploring fields and pretending to be a hero saving the Change noun form
adults
world
from attacks. Therefore
, we seldom spent
time on Wrong verb form
spend
smartphones
. However
, when my family moved to a city, I suddenly realised that I did not even know the children
in the same neighbourhood, which resulted in my indulgence in smartphones
.
Nevertheless
, smartphones
, as mentioned before, has
some benefits for Correct subject-verb agreement
have
children
. One of them is that it guides children
to enter into a wonderful world
at a negligible cost. Once there was an interview with a girl from isolated
mountains, in which the girl told the journalist that Correct article usage
an isolated
smartphones
enabled her to learn about oceans, deserts, and galaciers
. She said it was Correct your spelling
glaciers
unconceivable
for her to witness these sceneries without Correct your spelling
inconceivable
smartphones
as she could affort
travel Correct your spelling
afford
cost
. In the light of Fix the agreement mistake
costs
this
, smartphones
does
open a door for deprived Change the verb form
do
children
to the beautiful world
. Nonetheless
, the excessive usage of smartphones
can do harm to children
's health, for example
, damaging their eyesight for
watching screens for too long.
To summarise, lacking social connections can stimulate Change preposition
by
children
to be addicted in
Change preposition
to
smartphones
. This
can damage their eyesight but it can also
alleviate the feeling of loneliness and help children
to leran
more about the interesting Correct your spelling
learn
world
.Submitted by hx88375757 on
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task response
Your essay addresses the task and provides relevant examples. However, make sure to directly answer the question of whether it is a positive or negative development more explicitly in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas within each paragraph are logically connected. You could improve this by using more signposting language and ensuring a clearer progression of ideas.
task response
Your essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points, like the personal illustration and the interview with the girl from the isolated mountains.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized.