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Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. discus both these views, and give your opinion.

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This
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 is an ongoing discussion regarding the importance of curriculum activities and studies. A group of individuals claims that physical tasks are more crucial in order to improve mental health.
on the other hand
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,some people believe that students should focus on books.Both situations have pros and cons. As far as I am concerned, I would like to hold the former opinion
due to
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 some facts. First of all,I will elaborate on the advantages
to focus
Change preposition
of focusing
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 on the academic system.
Firstly
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,it is an outstanding way to improve reading skills
as well as
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 writing.
secondly
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, it enhances the knowledge of pupils and gives them the ability to think outside of the box.
Thirdly
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,communication skills can cut the edge of creativity through debates.
Last
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 but not least,maturity level grows up quickly.
For example
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,when I cast my mind back,I used to remember that,I got the first position in my school by dint of my outraged mentality,which I got through numerous dialogues with a different bunch of learners. Alternatively,I am going to explain why some people give their vote to other activities
instead
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 of studies.
Furthermore
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,they think that children's brains have no capacity to perform work on numerous works.In my opinion and
also
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 scientists proved ,in
childhood
Add a comma
childhood,
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 kids have the ability to
perform
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apply
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multitask and can learn more than one language.
Moreover
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,after school time parents can play games with their children. In conclusion,
due to
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 these facts, I would prefer that in school time students
need
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apply
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focus on learning skills
instead
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 of playing games and watching animated movies,which can be available at home time.

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task response
Your essay responds to the task in a general sense, but there are areas for improvement. Try to explore both viewpoints equally and provide a more balanced analysis. For instance, you might elaborate more on the benefits of physical education for a child's overall development.
coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, work on connecting your paragraphs more logically. The transition between discussing academic benefits and the importance of physical activities should be smoother. Consider using more linking phrases or words to improve the flow.
task response
Although your ideas are clear, they could be more detailed. Instead of general statements, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This would help to clearly demonstrate your point of view and strengthen your arguments.
structure
Your introduction sets the context effectively by acknowledging both viewpoints before stating your stance. This is a good strategy for setting up the discussion.
structure
The conclusion summarizes your opinion clearly, reiterating your stance on the issue. This helps to give your essay a sense of closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical education (PE)
  • holistic development
  • lifelong healthy habits
  • academic performance
  • core subjects
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • social skills
  • critical thinking skills
  • information age
  • balanced approach
  • holistic education
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