Some people spend a lotf money on hosting birthday paries, family functions and other celebrations. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #lotf #money #birthday #paries #functions #celebrations

Nowadays, due to social media

such

as Instagram, people want to show off their lives. So they usually purchase luxury goods and spend a host of money on holding all kinds of parties. I want to consider both benefits and drawbacks and say my own view. On the one hand, some individuals believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

on some occasions

such

as birthday parties it is worth spending money on. Because you never have been at that age again.

In addition

, they want to have a memorable memory of that celebration.

On the other hand

, some other people think that, if you show your luxury parties or post a picture of that on social media, others that can not afford to hold a party the same as you will be jealous.

Thus

this

issue may lead to

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

getting depressed

moreover

they may lose self-esteem.

As a result

, it has so many adverse effects on people's lives and their mental health.

Furthermore

,they can donate that payment to charity

instead

of hosting celebrations. So, helping to needy population is an alternative solution that leads to making them cheerful and enhancing life satisfaction. To conclude, in my opinion,

this

issue is kind of wasting budget. They can aid individuals who are money is tight for themselves

instead

of that. As I mentioned before, bad points are more than good points about

this

issue.

Submitted by aynaz.mombeini on Fri Jan 06 2023

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

228 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people spend a lotf money on hosting birthday paries, family functions and other celebrations. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

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Some people think climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think that it provides more business option. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.