Some people spend a lotf money on hosting birthday paries, family functions and other celebrations. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #lotf #money #birthday #paries #functions #celebrations

Nowadays, due to social media

such

as Instagram, people want to show off their lives. So they usually purchase luxury goods and spend a host of

money

on holding all kinds of parties. I want to consider both

Correct article usage

the benefit

show examples

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

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and

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

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amd

Correct your spelling

and

say my own view. On the one hand, some individuals believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

some

Change preposition

on some

show examples

occasions

such

as birthday parties it

Add a missing verb

is worths

show examples

worths

Replace the word

worth

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to spend

Change the verb form

spending

show examples

money

Change preposition

on.

show examples

Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

you never have been

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show examples

that age again.

In addition

, they want to have a memorable memory of that celebration.

On the other hand

, some other people think that, if

Correct your spelling

you

show examples

show your luxury parties or post a picture of that

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show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media, others that can not afford to hold

party

Add an article

a party

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the same as you will be jealous.

Thus

this

issue may lead to

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

get

Wrong verb form

getting

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depressed

moreover

they may

los

Correct your spelling

lose

self-esteem.

As a result

, it has so many adverse effects on people's lives and their mental health.

Furthermore

,they can donate that

money

to charity

instead

of hosting celebrations. So, helping to needy population is

Change the article

show examples

alternative solution that

lead

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leads

show examples

to making them cheerful and enhancing life satisfaction. To sum up, in my

opinion

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,opinion

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this

issue is

kind

Correct article usage

a kind

show examples

of wasting budget. They can aid

Change preposition

apply

show examples

individuals who

Change the verb form

are

show examples

money

is tight for themselves

instead

of that. As I mentioned before, bad points are more than good points about

this

issue.

Submitted by aynaz.mombeini on Fri Jan 06 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

229 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people spend a lotf money on hosting birthday paries, family functions and other celebrations. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Children who are brought up in a family that does not have a lot of money are better prepared to deal with problems when they become adults than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. Do agree or disagree with the statement.

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.