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Band 5

Many museums charge for admission while few others are free. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages ?

#museums #charge #admission
Museum
Add an article
The museum
show examples
is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a hub of famous artefacts by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talented artists.
Although
 many
museums
 charge an entry
fee
 ,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 it proves to be advantageous for the
museums
. I believe charging an entrance
fee
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 manifold benefits for it.
First
 and foremost, imposing a
fee
 on the
museums
 will improve
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 security management in order to protect the museum from jeopardize by the people. By imposition of
fee
Add an article
a fee
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, one can generally
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
on
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of
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 how to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discipline and respect the various artefacts by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renowned artists.
Therefore
, it will eventually ameliorate the security level in the
museums
 so
that artefacts
Change the determiner
that artefact
those artefacts
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 will be
proctected
Correct your spelling
protected
 and retain
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 originality.
On the other hand
, some individuals believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
 should not levy taxes , it must be free for everyone. To cite an example, there are some historical places
such
 as Lodhi Garden, Lotus Temple and many more
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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 lost
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 novelty with
evolution
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the evolution
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 of time.
In addition
, these
museums
 have free access
due to
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apply
show examples
which people
loses
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
 their inquisitiveness into it and undervalue its famous arts. Because of
this
, one cannot try to assimilate the profound history related to many arts which ultimately degraded
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 original value.
However
 , there are some luxurious
museums
 charging
high
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a high
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fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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 which somehow cannot
be afford
Change the verb form
be afforded
show examples
 by everyone.
This
 implies that rich class society
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a chance to sight it whereas
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 class cannot purvey and
percieve
Correct your spelling
perceive
 knowledge about it. To conclude, one
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a significant right to go to
museum
Add an article
a museum
the museum
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 and absorb tremendous knowledge and experiences regarding many arts .
Lastly
,I believe that
museums
 should charge
nominal
Add an article
a nominal
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 in order to be affordable
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all.
Submitted by jaspreetramgarhia901 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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