IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that we live in a society where money and posessions are given too much importance. Others believe that this is improving our lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #society #money #posessions #importance #lives
Society had a big impact on our daily lives. Some
people
 try to please or show off to the public through social media by posting all their possessions like luxury stuff. And with
this
, there is a negative effect on some
people
. In
this
 ,essay we will discuss my opinion on both views. We all know that
money
 is a big part to improve our living. Because we know without
money
 we cannot afford our daily needs.
For example
, through ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 we can buy our needs like food, gas, house and car. But some
people
 still know the other important part of their lives like their family. We still see to it that we spend more time with them and create happy memories.
On the other hand
, some
people
 possess
money
.
For instance
,
people
 keep on working non-stop to buy their wants just like luxury stuff which is not important in their daily living but through ,
this
 they are trying to please society and show everyone that have expensive stuff. And because of
this
, they forget that they have family that need their attention more than anything. In my opinion, all of us need
money
 for our daily needs but we must
also
 think that our loved ones are more important than the society that we are pleasing.
Submitted by athena26 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: