Some people think that we live in a society where money and posessions are given too much importance. Others believe that this is improving our lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #society #money #posessions #importance #lives

Society had a big impact on our daily lives. Some

people

try to please or show off to the public through social media by posting all their possessions like luxury stuff. And with

this

, there is a negative effect on some

people

. In

this

,essay we will discuss my opinion on both views. We all know that

money

is a big part to improve our living. Because we know without

money

we cannot afford our daily needs.

For example

, through ,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money

we can buy our needs like food, gas, house and car. But some

people

still know the other important part of their lives like their family. We still see to it that we spend more time with them and create happy memories.

On the other hand

, some

people

possess

money

For instance

people

keep on working non-stop to buy their wants just like luxury stuff which is not important in their daily living but through ,

this

they are trying to please society and show everyone that have expensive stuff. And because of

this

, they forget that they have family that need their attention more than anything. In my opinion, all of us need

money

for our daily needs but we must

also

think that our loved ones are more important than the society that we are pleasing.

Submitted by athena26 on Fri Jan 06 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

220 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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