IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #animals #research #benefit #beings
Few Individuals believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 adequate trend to utilize
creatures
Change noun form
creatures'
creature's
show examples
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 in medical experiments for the outweigh of individuals, while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 reject
this
 notion . The substantial influence of
this
 trend has sparked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
controversy over the potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the position of animals appears to be more rational.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
Correct article usage
the postive
show examples
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative effects of
this
 issue and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which will
further
 explain
this
 argument. But, the most preponderant fact is that in
this
 modern, numerous types of diseases are diminishing the immune system of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body.
For instance
,
corana
Correct your spelling
corona
Cortana
 pandemic is a recent example and scholars, doctors, and scientists are working hard to find out
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 quick fix
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 problem. Another pivotal
aspects
Replace the adjective
aspect
show examples
 of
this
 argument
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that few animals, bodies are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 body,
such
 as mouse, hen, and, monkey
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
exact
dna
Correct your spelling
DNA
 and
rna
Correct your spelling
RNA
which is similar to human
kinds
Change noun form
kinds'
kind's
show examples
dna
Correct your spelling
DNA
. Moving
further
, in ancient times, most of the
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
illness make with help of the carnal.
However
, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
this
 trend. Yet, one of the alarming
fact
Change to a plural noun
facts
show examples
 is that we have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to kill
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innocent creatures for the experiment.
Besides
, in massive amount, cruelty attempt against the living carnal.
In addition
, after research and investigation, no one
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 fleshly.
Hence
, it is apparent why many are against
this
 affair. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, we should try to save the beautiful creation of God, whereas,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 benefits of medical
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 are instrumental indeed.
Nevertheless
,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 potential drawbacks should not be overlooked either.
Submitted by naffey07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: