IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviors are no longer relevant to the modern life and no worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 contemporary epoch, the debate over whether or not customs and traditions have become irrelevant to
this
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 fast-paced life has become a controversial argument. Whilst some proponents
emphasize
Use the right word
emphasise
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 that
such
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 preservation serves cultural identity, I personally believe that nations' cultural heritage requires amelioration for the sake of better relations within nations and families. In
this
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 essay, 2 of the primary reasons why I totally agree with the need for a change in traditional ways of thinking will be
further
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 elaborated. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
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on
Change preposition
with
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,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 and
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also
Rephrase
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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most crucial reason relates to the fact that inherited traditions have become an obstacle that hinders different people from various ethnic backgrounds from
socializing
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socialising
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.
In other words
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, if every nation tends to preserve its customs, the world will suffer from global wars ,particularly in
this
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digitalized
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digitalised
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 life where the obstacles between countries have blurred.
This
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 can be witnessed by different social media platforms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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permitted
Wrong verb form
permit
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such
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 fast transactions of information between various nations around the world.
Furthermore
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,
in addition
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 to the
previously-mentioned
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previously mentioned
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 benefits, the undue keeping of inherited traditions gives rise to conflicts among families since the current generation has a completely different way of thinking
as a result
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 of the wide availability of cutting-edge electronics.
This
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 means that when breadwinners start to change their obsolete thoughts, they will communicate more efficiently with their minors. One particularly salient example of
this
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 is parenting courses in which guardians are taught how to get rid of their old thoughts and become equipped and updated with the latest information. In conclusion,
after
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this
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 essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that not only does the superfluous preservation of ethics worsen the communication among tribes
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
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this
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 occurs within families.
Thus
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, I am convinced that parents ought to tackle
this
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 issue by attending children-rearing programs.

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structure
Have a clear plan for each paragraph. Start with a simple idea, then add one or two details. End with a short sentence that links to the next idea.
content
Keep ideas focused on the task. Say your point and give one clear reason. Do not add too many new ideas in one paragraph.
language
Use simple, common words. Avoid big words. If you use a hard word, make sure you know its meaning.
coherence
Use topic sentences to show the main point of each paragraph and use linking words to show how ideas connect.
examples
Add one or two specific, real examples that support your point. Explain how the example shows your idea.
content
Stance is clear: you take a position that customs should change.
structure
Clear overall plan with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion.
content
Some relevant examples are used (social media, parenting courses).
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