IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (Example 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT?

#people #retirement #age #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit
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Several individuals argue that making a set
retirement
Use synonyms
 age for everyone is not fair, regardless of their occupations. They trust that a certain worker would like to desire early
retirement
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 and receive a pension. I slightly agree with that opinion and would like to mention some specific
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of workers who can benefit from early
retirement
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. First of all, early
retirement
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 and receiving pensions are able to become realistic solutions for people who want to prepare their own
future
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 lives. In recent years, because of the rapid change in the world, many people
pay
Wrong verb form
have paid
show examples
 attention to enhancing their
future
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 lives. In these situations, receiving pensions earlier than normal
retirement
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 ages should be realistic and even essential to lessen their present economic dilemmas and construct their long-term budgets.
Also
Linking Words
, not only just for workers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for business company owners can become more flexible about their expenses.
While
Linking Words
 there are some controversial aspects to the scope and amount of pensions, they will become more useful in the
future
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. With respect to the type of workers who can benefit from early
retirement
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, I assert that individuals who are planning to operate their personal businesses can benefit from those ideas. They can solve present economic problems
such
Linking Words
 as taxes and budgets for food and residences.
In addition
Linking Words
, they will become much more flexible with economic issues
as well as
Linking Words
 time for their businesses and prepare their plans much more carefully. In conclusion, I agree with that opinion. We should impose more freedom about early
retirement
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. These days, since many individuals are worried about their
future
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 budgets and long-term plans, those ideas can reveal practical solutions for everyone.
Submitted by yulisnice on

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task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas with relevant examples. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are fully developed with clear explanations and examples.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic right from the introduction, which makes your response focused.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed part of the task by suggesting which types of workers should benefit from early retirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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