IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Research shows that overeating can be just as harmful as smoking. Thus the advertising of certain food products should be banned, as cigar is banned in many countries. Do you agree or disagree?

#research #food #products #cigar #countries
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It is undeniable
fact
Use synonyms
 that overeating
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be obesity and hazardous for society. The problem of overeating was always debatable
has
Correct word choice
and has
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 now become more controversial while many people
claiming
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that it is
benifical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 while others reject
this
Linking Words
 notion. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the position of overeating appears to be more rational. In
this
Linking Words
 essay we will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate on
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 impact of
this
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 trend and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which will
further
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 explain these arguments but the most preponderant
fact
Use synonyms
 is that in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, overeating is a become global concern and scholars, scientists, and doctors are finding the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 affair. It is hazardous and terrible for youngsters, toddlers, and, mature people.
For
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instance
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,instance
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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the survey
conduct
Wrong verb form
conducted
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 by FDI (FOOD DEPARTMENT INVESTIGATION) told that 75
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of
population
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the population
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 of America
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 suffering from
overweight
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being overweight
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 and heart stock. Another pivotal aspect is that resources are less and demand
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 too high, in developing countries,
such
Linking Words
 as India, Pakistan, and, Nepal
residential
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residents
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
die because of starvation and less food availability. Needless to say, all these merits stand in
a
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apply
show examples
good stead. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 stems
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
fact
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that technology and invention play a vital role in
this
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 problem due to
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fact
Correct article usage
the fact
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 in ancient times, agriculture is facing less production because of
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of soil, fertilizer, and
portion
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a portion
the portion
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 of water. Yet, the advantage of
technology
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the technology
show examples
 we are able to
grown
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grow
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 crops and vegetables in massive
amount
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amounts
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 and High quantity reduces the prices and low prices is
fascinating
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fascinate
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people
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for people
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 to buy more quantity of food. Moving
further
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, it is pertinent to mention that advertising is
potential
Add an article
a potential
the potential
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 influence in recent times and society is curious about these Ads and
purchase
Correct subject-verb agreement
purchases
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 goods because of advertising. Apart from the reasons
mention
Change the form of the verb
mentioned
show examples
 above it can be clearly stated why many are against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. In conclusion, according to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
that the drawbacks of overeating are dire to ignore.
Submitted by naffey07 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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