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Band 4.5

Research shows that overeating can be just as harmful as smoking. Thus the advertising of certain food products should be banned, as cigar is banned in many countries. Do you agree or disagree?

#research #food #products #cigar #countries
It is undeniable
fact
 that overeating
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be obesity and hazardous for society. The problem of overeating was always debatable
has
Correct word choice
and has
show examples
 now become more controversial while many people
claiming
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that it is
benifical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 while others reject
this
 notion. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the position of overeating appears to be more rational. In
this
 essay we will
further
 elaborate on
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 impact of
this
 trend and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which will
further
 explain these arguments but the most preponderant
fact
 is that in
this
 modern era, overeating is a become global concern and scholars, scientists, and doctors are finding the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 affair. It is hazardous and terrible for youngsters, toddlers, and, mature people.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the survey
conduct
Wrong verb form
conducted
show examples
 by FDI (FOOD DEPARTMENT INVESTIGATION) told that 75
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of America
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 suffering from
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 and heart stock. Another pivotal aspect is that resources are less and demand
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 too high, in developing countries,
such
 as India, Pakistan, and, Nepal
residential
Replace the word
residents
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
die because of starvation and less food availability. Needless to say, all these merits stand in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good stead. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 stems
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
fact
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that technology and invention play a vital role in
this
 problem due to
fact
Correct article usage
the fact
show examples
 in ancient times, agriculture is facing less production because of
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of soil, fertilizer, and
portion
Add an article
a portion
the portion
show examples
 of water. Yet, the advantage of
technology
Add an article
the technology
show examples
 we are able to
grown
Change the form of the verb
grow
show examples
 crops and vegetables in massive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 and High quantity reduces the prices and low prices is
fascinating
Replace the word
fascinate
show examples
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 to buy more quantity of food. Moving
further
, it is pertinent to mention that advertising is
potential
Add an article
a potential
the potential
show examples
 influence in recent times and society is curious about these Ads and
purchase
Correct subject-verb agreement
purchases
show examples
 goods because of advertising. Apart from the reasons
mention
Change the form of the verb
mentioned
show examples
 above it can be clearly stated why many are against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 issue. In conclusion, according to the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
that the drawbacks of overeating are dire to ignore.
Submitted by naffey07 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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