IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Increasing number of people are choosing plastic surgery. Why do people want to change the way they look? What are the possible effects?

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These days, many people have been inclined to change their appearance with the help of
plastic
Use synonyms
 surgery. There are several reasons behind
this
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 issue
such
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 as the beauty standards of the modern world and improvements in medicine.
As a result
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, individuals can mostly endanger their health in order to look better and waste a lot of money. There are some factors why people have opted to use esthetic
operations
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 in recent years. One main reason is that
people’s
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 views about beauty have completely altered, particularly since the 21st century. In the past, most males and females were prone to look simpler and more natural rather than now.
Therefore
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, they were obsessed with the way they appeared to
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
However
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, now
this
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 tendency depends on artificial methods like
plastic
Use synonyms
operations
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.
Secondly
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, the quality of
this
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 type of surgery is increasing every day because technological developments are
also
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 observed in medical fields
as well as
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 other areas. So, they can take the responsibility of highly developed and perilous
operations
Use synonyms
 which might assist people to look natural and beautiful.
Although
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 these surgeries have become more reliable and safer, they have several side effects on the human body and patients’ economic situation. The essential items that doctors use in esthetic
operations
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 generally contain toxic chemicals and negatively impact
people’s
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 health.
For instance
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,
plastic
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 which is used by doctors may pose a threat to human skin and lead to some diseases
such
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 as injuries in the skin and even cancer.
Moreover
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, these
operations
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 may cost a great amount of money because sometimes subsequent surgeries can be demanded in order to correct previous
operations
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.
Therefore
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, it can have adverse effects on
people’s
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 financial condition. In conclusion,
people’s
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 opinions about standards of beauty and cutting-edge technologies used in medicine are the main causes underlying
this
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 problem.
Consequently
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, these
plastic
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 surgeries can jeopardize human health and the way they expend their money.

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task achievement
Focus on developing your examples more deeply to better support your main points. This could make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance readability and the flow of ideas. This will make your essay even more coherent.
task achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the task equally. In some instances, you might have focused more on one aspect than on others. Aim for balance.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present the topic and sum up your main points. This helps to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay successfully outlines reasons behind the topic and potential outcomes, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay task.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay allows for an easy flow of ideas. Good job organizing your thoughts.
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