IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs ( for example working on charity, teaching sport to younger people ) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #charity #sport
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The incorporation of social welfare activities into high
school
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 programs is at the forefront of national debate.
While
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 a host of
people
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 argue that these services should be made obligatory for high
school
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 students, others are against
this
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 notion.
However
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, I am, firmly, in favour of
this
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 statement and provide a few reasons in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 claim that high
school
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 students must engage in social welfare activities, and I fundamentally believe that participation in
such
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 activities can make youngsters develop more human-like qualities.
For instance
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, the current education system has helped
people
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 become more successful, but at the same time, it makes them insensitive
due to
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 the fact that they are often made to compete with each other.
Therefore
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, learning to lend a helping hand from a young age can make them more empathetic and
as a result
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, they are more likely to become better managers and workers, better family members and friends with time.
Furthermore
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, another reason why I support
this
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 idea is that volunteering is more like meditation as it reduces negative emotions and increases patience and tolerance.
For example
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, high schoolers are always under constant pressure, that being the case, they often suffer from mental health disorders
such
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 as depression and anxiety.
Thus
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, the joy of giving can help them combat stress and improve their mood.
Also
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, it’s a great opportunity for
school
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 students to meet new
people
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 and feel more connected and valued. In a nutshell, I strongly agree that community service should be a compulsory part of secondary institute programs because no matter how big or small a charity work is, it not only improves mental health and well-being but
also
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 develops social skills and possible career options.
Submitted by lakshan619 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and supports your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the organization and progression of ideas within each paragraph to improve coherence and cohesion.
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