IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views.

#people #money #celebrations #waste
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that family celebrations
cost
Use synonyms
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
and is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is
Correct article usage
a wast
show examples
wast
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 and I
partial
Replace the word
partially
show examples
 agree with it because it
depands
Correct your spelling
depends
 on the
situaiton
Correct your spelling
situation
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
families
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I think it is important to have family celebrations with the
money
Use synonyms
 that members of
families
Use synonyms
 can afford.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree
fot
Correct your spelling
for
 the point that
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some
Use synonyms
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, they do not think about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 problems of themselves, they just want to hold a big event to show off without thinking too much. I understand a celebration is important for every family, so I think it is more important to focus on the meaningful reason for a family celebration. On the one hand, I think it is good to have celebrations for family,
for example
Linking Words
, family reunions. It is not always
cost
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a lost
show examples
lost
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
people
Use synonyms
 can arrange it well.
In other words
Linking Words
, each member can prepare one meal so everyone can taste different types of food and share with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, it does not spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on the celebration, but
also
Linking Words
 it helps family members get
connection
Add an article
a connection
the connection
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and it is
meaningful
Replace the word
meant
show examples
 for everyone.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it may
cost
Use synonyms
 some
money
Use synonyms
 to have a reunion, but I think it is worth to
cost
Use synonyms
 if the reason is to get all of the
member
Change to a plural noun
members
show examples
 together and introduce
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 new members
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the family. In conclusion, I think it is better to understand why
people
Use synonyms
 spend
money
Use synonyms
 on events of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
. If the
families
Use synonyms
 can afford the
cost
Use synonyms
, and there are some meaningful reasons for
families
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it is worth them to do.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cherish
  • nurture
  • strengthen
  • bond
  • create memories
  • enjoyment
  • sense of belonging
  • reconnect
  • unite
  • traditions
  • create traditions
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • moderation
  • budget
  • frugal
  • extravagant
What to do next:
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