IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice.

#people #work #business #employer #someone #choice
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Everyone has a different view of his future, who sees how he wants to either have the plan to have an employer and own a business with many passions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or become only an employee at the company. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 ,hand working as an accountant or security or even manager in any say,
factory
Add an article
the factory
show examples
 makes you get your salary neither the factory earns or loses
this
Linking Words
 year, working as an employer makes you not sure about your future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if you do not own the company, you will not have the right to take any decision you only be obeyed and you should do
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 the boss
tell
Change the verb form
tells
show examples
 you. But
also
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 job prospects that give the possibility of promotion or higher level
work
Use synonyms
 in future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having your own startup
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 you free to do whatever u see
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is right and you will be passionate to
work
Use synonyms
 every day because you
work
Use synonyms
 for your money
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
successful
Add a missing verb
are successful
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the productivity that you will have during
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 works.
Person
Add an article
The person
A person
show examples
 will get better career progression. In my opinion, I would rather
to
Remove the marker
apply
show examples
have my startup
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be able to succussed more,
also
Linking Words
 because I have many ideas and many hopes to achieve, working as
owner
Add an article
the owner
an owner
show examples
 for
employer
Correct article usage
an employer
show examples
 maybe make you stressed and you will not
capable
Add a missing verb
be capable
show examples
 of having holidays like the employees you twenty-four hours a week overthinking about the records. In conclusion, I would say that every
work
Use synonyms
 has advantages and disadvantages with different types of it, but always by
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
hard
Add an article
a hard
the hard
show examples
 working person will live a good life with successful
Submitted by semsm42 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: