IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe zoos, where wild animals are kept in a man-made environment, should no longer exist in the twenty century. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the existence of zoos become under threat in the upcoming days. I completely agree with that statement and give some idea about
this
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.
To begin
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 with, a zoological garden is a protected area where creatures are kept in a cage.
This
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 place is a common attraction, especially for children. In
this
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 artificial environment, all foods and healthcare services are provided by professional workers. But most of the time tourists provide outside food. People give carrots, apples, and cabbage
instead
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 of buying food,
preparing
Verb problem
apply
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which causes health hazards,
for example
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, in December 2022 Dhaka zoo lions became sick
due to
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 the taking of snakes given by visitors.
Secondly
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, wildlife animals like freedom, and live in companies. Where in the cage they feel lonely, unable to run and meet with others. They are suffering from loneliness and anxiety.
For instance
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, in Moscow
zoo
Capitalize word
Zoo
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, a tiger family died
last
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 year
due to
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 a lack of communication with their heritage.
In addition
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, every day in different parts of the world many creatures become extinct
,
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 because they do not have enough freedom and space to live. These faunas have to live in real nature, survive, and run in the fields.
To conclude
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, I'm confident that
such
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 places bring education and joy to the kids, who come there.
However
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, the life of the zoo inhabitants is in danger because of many reasons. These areas are going to be closed in a few years. So, lawmakers should take necessary action to reverse the situation.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not clearly present, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion in the essay. The ideas are somewhat supported, but the organization and structure could be improved for better clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides some ideas and examples, but does not fully respond to the task prompt. More careful attention to addressing the specific points of the question is required. Some examples are relevant, but more comprehensive and clear ideas are needed to fully address the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • biodiversity
  • poaching
  • habitat loss
  • breeding programs
  • educational tools
  • rehabilitation
  • veterinary care
  • confined spaces
  • natural habitats
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • ethical considerations
  • tourists attraction
  • economic impact
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