Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #sports #lessons #school

The phenomenon of physical lessons

should be

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

compulsory for the health of

children

has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as people's views on

this

issue in question may be, I totally agree that schools should teach all

students

how to do

sports

. Of all the reasons why all

children

should receive

sports

lessons, probably the most significant one is that it is an opportunity

for introducing

Change preposition

to introduce

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

interest in

sports

students

. Once they find their favourite item,

then

they may keep doing

sports

by themself since they would like to move better on it.

For example

, Some

students

would find that they are good at football during PE class. After that, they

keep

Wrong verb form

kept

show examples

playing football and even graduated from

school

. Their body becomes stronger than others without notice.

As a result

, they gain a healthy body for their future. Another reason that should not be overlooked is that education should be all-around. All-around education means the

school

should not only teach knowledge but

also

help pupils develop healthy mentally and physically.

For instance

, schools would provide teachers and facilities in order to teach

students

sport

Correct subject-verb agreement

sports

show examples

in the correct ways. Many pupils were injured because they

lack

Wrong verb form

lacked

show examples

a correct method to keep training their skills in their

sports

item.

Therefore

, it is necessary to teach

sports

school

in case an accident occurs in the

children

. Under

this

line of thinking, I completely agree with the idea that physical lessons becoming compulsory in

school

would bring more benefits to

children

and why physical activities are important to kids.

Submitted by frankyimp on Mon Jan 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, with a sequence of ideas. However, the coherence and cohesion can be improved by better organizing the ideas and developing clearer transitions between paragraphs.

task achievement

The introduction and conclusion are present, but they can be further developed to provide a stronger and more engaging framework for the essay. Additionally, the ideas presented are relevant to the topic, but the response could be more in-depth and include more specific examples to support the points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

some people believe that there should be ristriction on some dangerous sports while other believe ther should be a freed do any activity or sport. discuss both view and give your own opinion.

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The internet will bring about a new freedom of information and so narrow the technology gap between developed and developing countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.