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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believed that government should make sure to make people to go on a diet. while others believe that the individuals need to take care of their own diet and health. discuss both views and give your opinion

Population
Use synonyms
 fitness is one of the authority's responsibilities,
hence
Linking Words
 many argue that the authority should enforce their
population
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, many contradict
this
Linking Words
 idea and believe fitness is individual responsibility. In my personal opinion, going on a
diet
Use synonyms
 is individual
Use synonyms
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 and
people
Use synonyms
 should have choices on how to do it. Governments are responsible to ensure the basic
rights
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 of their
people
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, including
health
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. With the increasing number of metabolic diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and stroke, it is reasonable for the government to prevent mortality and morbidity by enforcing their citizens to go on a
diet
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 and take care of their
health
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.
This
Linking Words
 can be done by routine
health
Use synonyms
 status monitoring in the appointed local clinic, and if the results of the tests are unsatisfactory, the government may give them several
health
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 regimens to follow
such
Linking Words
 as a strict
diet
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 and rigorous exercise.
This
Linking Words
 direct intervention is helpful to prevent the number of metabolic diseases
hence
Linking Words
 increasing the level of
population
Use synonyms
health
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that society should take care of their own well-being since
although
Linking Words
health
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 is basic human
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rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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, the way of being healthy is a personal choice. There are various approaches to gaining
health
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 and
this
Linking Words
 may be different among
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Add an article
the population
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population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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, based on their needs and preferences.
For instance
Linking Words
, many lactose intolerant
people
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 opt to be pescatarians because they can not process lactose or meat, but they are still healthy though their
diet
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 choice is uncommon. The authority
have
Change the verb form
has
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 the responsibility to ensure that their society is healthy, but it does not mean that they have the freedom to control their citizen's life
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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.
Health
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 is a personal matter and the one who truly understands what they need is the person itself.
Hence
Linking Words
, the public should take good care of their well-being. In conclusion, even though
government
Add an article
the government
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 are responsible for its
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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health
Use synonyms
, they have no
Use synonyms
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to interfere with the life choices of its
people
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, as
health
Use synonyms
 is a personal matter and individualized.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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