IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that water is the most important natural resource, while other believe that other resources such as oil and gold are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 world, various natural
resources
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 support human life, with clean
water
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 being one of the most essential for human survival.
However
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,
this
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 topic has sparked considerable debate. Some people believe that
water
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 is the most important natural resource,
while
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 others contend
that is
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 not as crucial as
oil
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 and gold.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and give my own perspective. On one hand, the reason for considering
water
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resources
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 a crucial resource is that it plays a vital role in maintaining public health.
While
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 society is able to live without
oil
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 and gold, they cannot survive without
water
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, even for a single day. Almost 80 per cent of human activities involve
water
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 in daily life,
such
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 as cooking, bathing, farming, and even drinking, all of which require an adequate
water
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 supply.
For example
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, in many rural areas, children suffer from severe stomach diseases
due to
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 consuming contaminated drink
water
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.
This
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 highlights the importance of ensuring all activities related to
water
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 are carried out safely and comfortably, which is why
water
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resources
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 should be considered a main priority.
On the other hand
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, some believe that many natural
resources
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 should be
a
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apply
show examples
prioritized over
water
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 like gold and
oil
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.
This
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 is mainly because these commodities offer opportunities for financial gain. To exemplify, many individuals generate income by collecting
jewelry
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jewellery
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 as assets and investments.
Additionally
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,
oil
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 plays a crucial role in energy production, as it can be refined into gasoline, which is essential for transportation and industrial activities.
Thus
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, many
argues
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argue
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 that these
resources
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 hold greater economic value than
water
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. In conclusion,
although
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 both
water
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resources
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 and other natural commodities have their own benefits, I believe that
water
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 is the most important as it is a basic necessity for all walks of life to sustain living.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the economic arguments regarding oil and gold to provide a more balanced view. Mentioning their impact on global economies could enhance your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Review your topic sentences for clarity and ensure each paragraph clearly links back to your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion and presents both sides of the argument clearly.
task achievement
You provide a strong example of how water impacts public health, which supports your argument well.
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