Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In life education and sports play an important role.
However
Linking Words
, some parents argue that parents should urge their children to engage in more physical activity rather than studying academic subjects. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
notion and the reasons for my opinion will be illustrated in the forthcoming paragraph with relevant illustrations.
To begin
Linking Words
with, to achieve anything you must remain healthy. To emphasize, physical activity provides more opportunities for individuals to become strong.
As a result
Linking Words
, it allows students to study more and enhances children's health. Even if a student has an excellent academic performance in daily life, his grade will be affected if he suffers from several health conditions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to maintain physical fitness to perform better in all situations.
In addition
Linking Words
, playing more games may inspire an interest in their communication skills and improve their social circle, as the majority of games include teamwork. To explain, when youths have the chance to play with other team members, they have a greater chance to interact with a different personality.
For instance
Linking Words
, a game of hockey requires six players. Teammates must develop positive relationships with one another, which leads to a greater understanding of each individual's activities and interests.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to devote more time to physical activities to become involved in the world. In conclusion, I believe that parents should encourage their children to devote more time to outdoor activities than to academics, as the fact that physical activity keeps the human body fit and provides opportunities to interact with others.
Submitted by keval28598 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
To further enhance your essay, try varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. While your argument is strong, using diverse linguistic expressions can make your writing even more compelling.
Content
Keep providing clear, well-supported main points as you did. It strengthens your argument significantly. Consider adding more specific, real-world examples or data to bolster your claims even further.
Structure
You've done well to structure your essay and ensure coherence, but you can make your writing flow even smoother by linking ideas more explicitly between paragraphs. Transition phrases can effectively show the relationship between points.
Introduction & Conclusion
Continue to provide a clear introduction and conclusion that frames your essay well. Further elaboration on your concluding thoughts could be beneficial for an even stronger finish to your argument.
Structure
You've maintained a logical and cohesive structure throughout your essay, which greatly aids in the clarity and strength of your argument.
Content
The essay provides a complete response to the task with clear, comprehensive ideas supported by relevant and specific examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Development
  • Concentration
  • Obesity
  • Burnout
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Intellectual development
  • Structured activities
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Sedentary behavior
  • Tech addiction
  • Role models
  • Family bonds
What to do next:
Look at other essays: