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Band 4.5

Some people have benefited from modern communications technology, but some other people have not benefited from; to what extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #communications #technology
The development of new
communication
 methods, especially telecommunications and its related sophisticated devices has improved our daily lives. But some
people
 think that after all, they do not get any advantage from these innovations. I believe that technology was invented to serve
people
 but we have to know how to use it. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electrical devices and telecommunications have become increased, which help us collect new information better, become more well-informed and connect us with each other wherever we are. Because of these technologies,
people
 in remote, rural areas have as equal an opportunity to communicate as those in urban areas; the old "
communication
 gaps" have disappeared. Needless to say, students who live in the countryside have accessed global knowledge easily despite
of
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apply
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having
distance
Replace the word
distant
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.
Besides
 that, professional employees, who are disabled can work at home but they still ensure job performance. Telecommunications are solving the
labor
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labour
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 shortage crisis in the
21th
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21st
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 century, which is
serious
Add an article
a serious
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 problem
of
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in
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 every country, nowadays.
However
, media and
communication
 devices
such
 as television, phone and radio
has
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have
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 rapidly spread, which leads to
people
ignore
Wrong verb form
ignoring
show examples
 face-to-face relationships. With the development of social media websites on the Internet,
people
 spend almost time making virtual relationships. A concrete example is a new disease of the
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
 century. The new disease is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction to social networks. According to the report of sociologists , the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
people
, who log in to websites
such
 as Facebook , Twitter and Instagram over 13 hours per day to connect to others and create for themselves a dream virtual life
instead
going
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of going
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 outside and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 relationships has dramatically increased in the
last
 two years. Taking all of
this
 into account,
communication
 is always crucial activities to
people
 or
business
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businesses
show examples
 either small or large.
Therefore
, in my opinion,
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of telecommunication has brought a significant advantage to
people
 and society.
Submitted by rosacea.medicus on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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