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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#illness
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Degrading the health of the public is becoming a more prevalent and serious issue in modern society. Many employees suffer from illnesses that are originated from the continuous stress that they gain from their work. There are fundamental
problems
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 contributing to
this
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 problem and I will suggest some practical solutions to promote the health of workers. The reason that many workforces suffer from health
problems
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 related to stress is largely attributed to tense working conditions.
For example
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, due to the continued stagnation of the current economy, companies have no choice but to lay off a number of employees to survive. To fill the shortage of workforce caused by
this
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, left employees need to deal with overwhelming workloads and responsibilities to support their companies.
As a result
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 of
this
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 intense working environment, they are often unable to sleep well and are diagnosed with depression. In order to tackle
this
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 increase in mental
problems
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 among many labourers, a company should create more interactive working conditions.
Instead
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 of being autocratic, a boss should welcome various creative ideas from individuals so organizations can be more adaptive to changing demands of society as well as employed individuals gain a sense of commitment with their voice being heard. Maintaining transparent relationships with one another is the significant key to promoting their wellbeings. In conclusion, the downturn of the current economic situation makes the working environment more hostile than in the past, which results in numerous physical and psychological
problems
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 among workers. Employers need to create more open working conditions to accept different ideas from individuals to protect their healthy balance.
Submitted by mizuho_kondo117 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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