IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that all popular TV programmes should aim to educate viewers about improtant social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many individuals believe that all popular shows that are broadcast on TV should use
this
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 opportunity to talk about vital social
problems
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. From my perspective, many
people
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 watch these shows, so these programmes can be used to improve culture;
however
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, social issues can make a program boring for
people
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 who want to fill their free time.
To begin
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 with, popular TV shows are watched because they are suitable for pastime. If producers add social
problems
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 to these shows, many
people
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 will consider them a teaching programme. It is undeniable that social
problems
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 are not exciting, and when
people
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 hear about these
problems
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, they may feel sad and disappointed.
As a result
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, the shows will lose their fans.
Moreover
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,
people
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 are in touch with social issues in their daily lives. They do not need to hear and see them again in their favourite shows.
Although
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 some
people
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 watch popular Television shows for fun, many
people
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 are affected by these shows because the human brain is active even in free time. If producers combine these hobbies with some educational messages,
people
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 will learn how to deal with social issues.
In addition
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, some
people
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 believe that TV is the most favourite medium in a lot of houses. So, it can be used for cultural improvement.
For example
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, in the past, most
people
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 did not care about polluting the environment, but nowadays they are aware of the consequences of
this
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 action by talking about
this
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 issue in entertaining programmes.
Consequently
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, the environment is cleaner.
To conclude
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, adding educational messages to entertaining programmes can lead to a loss of viewers because they are boring,
while
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 a combination of educational and entertaining can transform a society's culture and make it better.

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structure
Plan before writing. Start with your view, then write two or three ideas, and finish with a short end.
cohesion
Put one idea in each paragraph. Use small words to join ideas, like 'and', 'but', 'so'.
content
Give one or two clear examples that fit the issue. Do not repeat the same point.
language
Use simple, common words. Avoid hard or fancy words.
content
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
language
There is an attempt to give example about pollution.
structure
Structure with introduction, body, and conclusion is present.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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