Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there is always an argument about letting children in older

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

study a wide range of

subjects

Use synonyms

. I believe it has both positive and negative effects on elder communities learning various

courses

Use synonyms

or focusing on several

courses

Use synonyms

. Some people advise elder individuals should take numerous

courses

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because they would gain more knowledge in different fields than other peers who concentrate on a few

subjects

Use synonyms

. They could handle different problems in different areas since they

also

Linking Words

learn in these fields.

For example

Linking Words

, intelligent technology students usually

would

Verb problem

apply

show examples

stay at home since they need to do their projects when they are in university. They often need to solve the issues for food, and most of them would order rather than cook meals as they do not know how to cook.

Thus

Linking Words

, if some of them have studied cooking, it would be convenient to cook meals for themselves.

However

Linking Words

, others suggest teenagers in university should concentrate on a small range of studies in older schools since they need to use deeper knowledge for a living.

For instance

Linking Words

, when university students

are graduated

Wrong verb form

graduate

show examples

, they need to find a job which is relevant to the major they are studying. To find a job in an area, they need to study more depth knowledge from relative

courses

Use synonyms

rather than learn a lot of separate information which is useless.

Therefore

Linking Words

, elder students are not suitable for learning various

subjects

Use synonyms

because they are not at the stage of discovering what areas they are interested in. In conclusion, my opinion is children in old schools should not learn a wide range of

courses

Use synonyms

because they need to get a deep understanding of their several

subjects

Use synonyms

which can lead them to find a good job.

Besides

Linking Words

, younger communities are more suitable than

elder

Correct your spelling

older

show examples

people to study lots of

subjects

Use synonyms

in different areas because they to find their interested

subjects

Use synonyms

and consider what they want to do in the future.

doud99697

Jan 10, 2023

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task achievement

Your essay addresses both views on the topic, but the arguments could be more balanced and developed in depth. You could provide more examples and elaborate further on each point to strengthen your task response.

task achievement

Make sure to clearly define your stance in the introduction and maintain it consistently throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

The logical flow of your ideas needs improvement. Transition sentences between paragraphs can help maintain coherence.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetitive phrases and provide a clear structure with well-defined sections for introduction, body, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps give readers a clear start and end point.

task achievement

You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument before giving your opinion, which is beneficial for a balanced discussion.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic education
cross-disciplinary
premature specialization
well-rounded personality
depth of knowledge
mastery
cognitive overload
expertise
academic achievements
tailored education
informed choices
specializations
adaptability
flexibility
foundational knowledge

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