IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that increasing
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of sugary foods and drinks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 leads to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 of these types of foods. While, others, myself
including
Wrong verb form
included
show examples
, have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of view about
this
Linking Words
. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 hand, according to the
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
economical theory, there is a
contrast
Change the verb form
contrasting
show examples
 relationship between products'
price
Use synonyms
 and demand for them.
In other words
Linking Words
, whenever the
price
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one good is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased,
people
Use synonyms
's
tendencies
Fix the agreement mistake
tendency
show examples
 for purchasing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will start to decline.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of that product will be declined
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a
peiular
Correct your spelling
peculiar
popular
 sugary drink
which its
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 was 1 dollar
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
last
Linking Words
 year,
this
Linking Words
 year, because of some new regulations which are introduced by the government, is raised. So, its
consumption
Use synonyms
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 being dropped.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some reasons that
this
Linking Words
 policy does not
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the amount of
consumption
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 cannot change their diet habits owing to
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean, when
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of a product raise, not only they do not decrease their demand, but
also
Linking Words
 they
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
 themselves
with
Change preposition
to
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 new
cirrcumastance
Correct your spelling
circumstance
circumstances
.
Furturemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the vital role of
will-power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
 should not be overlooked. It means, having a healthy diet requires
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular practice which
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not be affected
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 any condition.
For instance
Linking Words
, someone who has a poor
will-power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
, and lives
sugary
Change preposition
on sugary
show examples
 food, even if
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
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 of these foods
increas
Correct your spelling
increase
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might not be declined his
consumption
Use synonyms
. To sum up, in my opinion, there are some reasons
that
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 the enhancing
price
Use synonyms
 of some products which are sugary cannot contribute to decreasing their
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
show examples
. Reasons
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 adaptation and poor
will-power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
 are two of the prominent ones.
Submitted by Masud on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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