Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
think that increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
of sugary foods and drinks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
leads to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
consumption
of these types of foods. While, others, myself
including
Wrong verb form
included
show examples
, have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
of view about
this
. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
hand, according to the
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
economical theory, there is a
contrast
Change the verb form
contrasting
show examples
relationship between products'
price
and demand for them.
In other words
, whenever the
price
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one good is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased,
people
's
tendencies
Fix the agreement mistake
tendency
show examples
for purchasing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will start to decline.
As a result
, the
consumption
of that product will be declined
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
.
For example
, a
peiular
Correct your spelling
peculiar
popular
sugary drink
which its
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
price
was 1 dollar
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
last
year,
this
year, because of some new regulations which are introduced by the government, is raised. So, its
consumption
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
being dropped.
On the other hand
, there are some reasons that
this
policy does not
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the amount of
consumption
.
Firstly
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
cannot change their diet habits owing to
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
cost. By
this
I mean, when
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
of a product raise, not only they do not decrease their demand, but
also
they
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
themselves
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
new
cirrcumastance
Correct your spelling
circumstance
circumstances
.
Furturemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the vital role of
will-power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
should not be overlooked. It means, having a healthy diet requires
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular practice which
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not be affected
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
any condition.
For instance
, someone who has a poor
will-power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
, and lives
sugary
Change preposition
on sugary
show examples
food, even if
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
of these foods
increas
Correct your spelling
increase
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might not be declined his
consumption
. To sum up, in my opinion, there are some reasons
that
Correct word choice
why
show examples
the enhancing
price
of some products which are sugary cannot contribute to decreasing their
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
show examples
. Reasons
such
as
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
adaptation and poor
will-power
Correct your spelling
willpower
show examples
are two of the prominent ones.
Submitted by Masud on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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