IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crimes is to apply longer prison sentences, other people think that there are better methods of doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, there is always an argument about how to reduce
crimes
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.
While
Linking Words
 some communities think applying longer prison sentences is the best
way
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, I believe it could be an efficient
way
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 to reduce
criminals
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 but not the best method to stop
people
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to break
Change preposition
from breaking
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 the law. Some
people
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 suggest longer prison sentences
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the best to decrease
people
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 to commit
crimes
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 because it could change
criminals
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’
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 over a long period of time.
For example
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, prisons usually have a disciplined schedule with a lot of work on it for prisoners. The density of activities and long hours of labour can grind their minds, which could let them become more peaceful than before.
Thus
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, when they finished their sentences, they would not want to commit
crimes
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 again as that thought
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 erased when they were in jail.
However
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, opponents think there are better methods to reduce
crimes
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. Giving education to
criminals
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 could be one of the best ways because most
criminals
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 are uneducated.
For instance
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, the reason why some
criminals
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 rob, steal or kidnap
people
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 is that they need to do it to survive as they do not have good conditions to find a job or live a decent life. As long as the government could make a school system for these
people
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, they could obtain correct knowledge and get an occupation to have a stable income.
Therefore
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, they would not have thoughts of committing
crimes
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 again since they have a better quality of life. In conclusion, I believe letting the
authority
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authorities
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 set prisoners’
sentence
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sentences
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 longer could be a
way
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 to help
crimes
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 be reduced but it would not solve the root of the problem. Providing
criminals
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 with a long-term education could be the best
way
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 because it would erase the root of
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
The introduction could clearly outline your position and the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your ideas. Transition words will help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
In the conclusion, reiterate your opinion more explicitly and summarize the main arguments to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
You have presented two clear perspectives on the issue, which shows a balanced approach to the discussion.
task achievement
The use of examples to support your arguments is commendable, as it adds depth to your points.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, the essay is logically structured and easy to follow, with a recognizable introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • community service
  • preventive measures
  • institutionalization
  • root causes
  • social inequality
  • educational programs
  • reintegration
  • mentorship
  • crime rates
  • punitive measures
  • criminal justice
  • alternative methods
  • opportunity for crime
  • investing in youth programs
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