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Band 4

All children should be made to wear school uniform.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #school #uniform
It is argued that
,
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apply
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 all schoolchildren ought to wear a special
uniform
. Personally, I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
show examples
 with
this
 viewpoint since
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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every child should
treated
Change the verb form
be treated
show examples
 equally
according to
 the sense of belonging and
this
 essay will provide certain arguments
to
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for
show examples
this
 statement. On the one hand, wearing a
school
uniform
 expresses the feeling of being
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a certain community and
this
 helps
students
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enhance their performance at
school
 since
school
 uniforms are made suitable and comfortable for
students
 that
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
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 smart, inexpensive and easy to wash.
Furthermore
, special uniforms are considered one of the integral
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of today’s majority of the educational centers which
also
 expresses the ancient background and the beauty of our current education.
For example
, a number of universities and
schools
 have designed a special
uniform
 that indicates the ancient culture of the education
of
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apply
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university or
school
.
On the other hand
, some
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high
schools
 do not require
an
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a
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uniform
according to
 the fact that
,
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apply
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 uniforms should not be the primary concern of educational
centers
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centres
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 and
schools
 ought to focus on improving the process of learning,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of the classes and hiring
well qualified
Add a hyphen
well-qualified
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 teachers rather than on attire.
For instance
, in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 majority of the high
schools
 do not
entail
Verb problem
require
show examples
 their
students
 to wear a special
uniform
instead
 they pay more attention to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 the
lessons
Fix the agreement mistake
lesson
show examples
 quality since it is considered an essential factor than
uniform
.
To conclude
, having weighed everything mentioned
up
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apply
show examples
, I can come to the conclusion
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that encouraging
students
 to wear a
school
uniform
 is compulsory for the quality of the studying process.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas logically flow from one to the next. Pay attention to the use of transition words and phrases to connect ideas and improve coherence.
task achievement
The introduction should clearly state the writer's opinion and provide a roadmap for the essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's opinion. Also, consider providing more specific examples to support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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