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Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way to bringing people different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Music
 become one of
an
Correct article usage
the
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 art instrument tools
music
 for well-knowing feelings.
Although
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a lot of kind
in
Change preposition
of
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music
 instrumental, I do believe that musician is using
those good way
Change the determiner
that good way
those good ways
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 to deliver their own culture and ages for connecting
people
Change preposition
with people
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 overseas. There are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 why
people
 could
Change the adjective
possibly
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possible
Replace the word
possibly
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 have
same
Change the article
the same
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 feeling when
enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoying
show examples
music
.
Firstly
, every level of
people
 in countries
transfer
Change the verb form
transfers
show examples
 their culture among the society. They create
music
 that can break down their history. And
people
 hereafter can
understans
Correct your spelling
understand
understands
 their
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
. They,
firstly
, taught it
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their children
until
Correct word choice
and
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for
Change preposition
to
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 their
people
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
.
Secondly
,
people
 can understand
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
 the
music
. Especially, the melody which
fulfill
Change the verb form
fulfills
show examples
 their interest can
maintenance
Replace the word
maintain
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 their daily mood to boost doing something.
Fix the agreement mistake
Musicians
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Musician
Add an article
The musician
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 used to
maintenance
Replace the word
maintain
show examples
Correct article usage
the audience
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audience
Change noun form
audience's
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 feeling when
arrange
Change the verb form
arranging
show examples
 the melody. To illustrate, they
also
 write down the lyric for
people
understanding
Change the verb form
to understand
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 better. The
last
 but not least,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 step when
overseas
Correct article usage
an overseas
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audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
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 tried to
understan
Correct your spelling
understand
, they tend to translate the lyric of the language.
That is
 the reason why
Correct article usage
the musician
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musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
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 who represented the
audience
Change noun form
audience's
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 appearance
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 easy to remember.
In addition
, if they have good
perform
Replace the word
performance
show examples
 when
express
Change the verb form
expressing
show examples
 the song,
people
 tend to feel it emotionally. That
music
 performance can steal
Correct article usage
the audience
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audience
Change noun form
audience's
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 heart and gain attention. To conclude,
music
 can translate human
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
. These terms are
possibly
Replace the word
possible
show examples
 for them to sing together
throughtout
Correct your spelling
throughout
song
Correct article usage
the song
show examples
. And could connect their feeling
each
Change preposition
to each
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 other. Whereas compose make whatever ages and places are, they can enjoy the song and connect their feeling.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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